


Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings

by seitsemannen



Category: GOT7
Genre: Canon Compliant, Clubbing, Drinking Games, Drunken Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings, Original Universe, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4811720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seitsemannen/pseuds/seitsemannen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saturday nights are times for doing what you don’t usually dare, for taking risks and saying what you really think. Sunday mornings are for the aftermath: now that things have been said and done, how do we go on with our lives?</p><p>Mark likes to make out with guys when he's drunk. He's never kissed Jackson though, and kinda wants to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. WEEK 1: Saturday

**Author's Note:**

> Set right before the Just Right comeback in 2015, so Mark has a silvery blond sort of hair and Jackson has blond hair. I'm doing my best to keep this as real-life-compatible as possible, but I have to take some artistic freedoms for this story to work. The biggest things I'm ignoring are the following:
> 
> \- **Not all of the GOT7 guys are legally the age to drink in South Korea.** Imagine they are all old enough or that the legal drinking age is Yugyeom's age.
> 
> \- **JYP** (probably) **has the no-dating rule, which would rule out any hook-ups or relationships.** I’m pretending they don’t care as long as it’s not out in public. Don’t ask don’t tell.
> 
> \- **South Korea is a very homophobic country: bromance OK and fanservice OK, but actual gay relationships or making out between guys nope.** Let’s pretend being gay is weird but not something completely abnormal and to be shunned.
> 
> I’m working on this piece to find my possibly existing fanfiction writing skills after not writing any fanfiction in nine years, so bear with me. If you find any inconsistencies regarding the Korean culture or GOT7, please let me know. I want to improve!
> 
> Crossposting to AFF and LJ.

Sunday was their day off.

They were currently preparing for their comeback and did not need to do any promotional work, so their manager had cleared out that one day from their calendar for every week. It was a rare treat, given on the promise that they would work hard during the other days and relax on the free time they got.

So on saturday evenings they would hang out and do something together, since only Jaebum's and Yugyeom's families lived near enough to Seoul to visit them regularly given their rigorious training schedule. On most of the weeks they would use the saturday night to celebrate their more or less good work during the week. That meant having dinner with just the seven of them and afterwards either going to the dorms and playing drinking games or going to one of the company approved bars to drink, dance and pick random strangers up, depending on the mood.

This was one of the saturday nights when they were getting themselves wasted in the bar closest to their dorms. The week had been hard on them with performances coming up in the next few weeks and a tv show appearance making their manager drive them hard to excel in what they were good in. Jaebum was making sure everyone had enough to drink, conspiring with Jinyoung to get them to let go and forget the stress they had accumulated over the week. Yugyeom, Youngjae and Bambam were playing a version of table soccer that involved a lot of shouting and accusing others of cheating, sipping on their drinks as punishments. Jackson was over by the bar with one of the beers with soju, chatting up some dolled up girls giggling at his jokes.

Mark was making out with this cute guy in a dress shirt who had come up to him and complimented both his haircut and his eyes.

Mark wasn't the type of guy to hook up with strangers - he preferred a relationship over one night stands - but he loved to flirt and make out a little when he was drunk. While some of the others would take a girl or a guy to a motel during nights like these he rather hang out with his friends with a little flirting on the side. Mark wasn't too picky about who he made out with - if they were attractive, didn't seem like complete douches and were willing, Mark would go for anyone when he was in a kissing mood. He had at some point tried to make out with pretty much everyone from GOT7, but with little success: Jaebum and Jinyoung would indulge him with a peck if they were in the right mood and Bambam would sometimes make out with him to impress some girls or to get rid of some persistent flirters, but the others were off-limits. He had on separate occasions of punishments in games kissed Youngjae and Yugyeom, but both of the dongsaes had been so uncomfortable with it so he wouldn’t bother them again.

But Mark had never kissed Jackson, never even tried. He figured that the reason he kept wondering about what Jackson was like as a kisser was because he had kissed all of the GOT7 guys except for him. But they were best friends and roommates and Mark wouldn’t risk that, especially since Jackson was according to his own words solemnly heterosexual, plus he had on several occasions seemed put off when he saw Mark making out with a guy. It was more than important for Mark to keep Jackson’s trust and friendship, so Jackson was off-limits for drunken kissing purposes. There were anyway plenty of other people who were interested in making out with him at any bar they went to.

His current companion tasted like cigarettes and those menthol pastilles smokers use to cover up the taste and smell of smoke. Despite the off-putting taste the guy was a looker and an excellent kisser, which totally made up for his other faults. The pleasant slide of mouths combined with the alcohol induced haze made focusing on everything that was going on around them in the bar practically impossible, so Mark closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensations of the moment, the bass beat of the music thrumming in his ears.

A while went and the dress shirt guy was getting more insistent with his kissing and groping, so Mark knew it was time to slow down and brush the guy off, unless he wanted to spend the rest of the night trying to peel the man off of him after leading him on. That in mind Mark focused enough to slow the kiss to a stop and backed half a step away from the guy.

"We're gonna have to stop here, I don't have anything more in mind and I wanna go check on my friends." Mark swayed a bit back and forth on his feet as he delivered the brush-off. They were always the worst part in the kissing-strangers-in-bars-while-drunk deal. Nothing made rejecting someone feel less than forced and awkward.

"Aww, why're you being such a tease?" Ugh, whining. That sealed the deal on this make-out session ending right there and then. He got called a tease a lot, but if someone thought they could guilt-trip him into sleeping with them? They totally deserved to be left hanging. Not that he would say that out loud.

"Sorry dude, but I didn't make any promises. It was nice kissing ya but I'mma go now so, uh, bye." The words slipped out of Mark's mouth with less coherence than he would have wanted to, but they formed actual sentences with real meanings, so he was not picky enough to correct his language. The silver-blond man turned to leave and walk back to the bar where Jaebum and Jinyoung were lounging, leaving the dress shirt guy behind and tuning out from the whining he was still doing.

“What’s up?” Mark drawled, draping his right arm on Jinyoung’s shoulder and smiling lazily at the scheming duo.

“Nothing much, want something to drink?” Jinyoung graced him with a mischievous smile and gestured to the bar counter right next to them, filled with empty glasses the bartender had not yet had time to clean up in her hurry.

Mark stopped to look around the bar, trying to spot Jackson in the crowd. It didn’t take him too long to find Jackson leaning against the wall near the dance floor, whispering into the ear of one of the pretty girls he was chatting up earlier. Mark averted his eyes when the girl tilted her head up, angling for a kiss. For a moment he wondered if he'd find out what Jackson's mouth tasted like if he kissed the girl afterwards, but dismissed the thought quickly. He set his mind.

"Yeah, let's do some shots."

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Mark knew he had gone too far with his drinking for the night, but couldn't really recall why he had deemed it necessary to take the few extra shots on top of the comfortable drunkenness he had already established earlier. Not remembering the reason to take the extra shots was probably the idea though, so he got that covered. On the barstool next to him Jinyoung had descended into a cheerful, giggly drunk state that involved trying to convince Mark to get a beer next and cuddling up to Jaebum at every opportunity. The leader seemed to still have some composure, which was quite impressive considering the last few shots.

“I really have to go to the toilet.” Words seemed to latch onto his tongue and not roll off of it smoothly like they usually did. Oh well. Mark nodded to his friends and started to move into the general direction where he knew the toilets were, swaying a little in his steps and bumping into strangers and furniture. He knew it was just the alcohol affecting his sense of balance but the bar seemed to tilt slightly from left to right at times, making it difficult to walk a straight line and navigate between the other patrons of the bar.

The toilet visit was a small adventure of trying to stay upright and not pee everywhere, but Mark managed to not totally embarrass himself and to ease his plight, so he was not completely out of hand yet. He was just making his way out of the men’s restroom when a hand on his shoulder and a familiar voice stopped him.

“Hey, you don’t look so good, have you had too much to drink?” Jackson was standing right there with a furrow between his eyebrows when Mark twirled less than gracefully around to face the voice. He bit his lip, wondering what to answer, but in the end just going with the straightforward answer.

“Yeah.”

“Okay then, I’m taking you home now before you do something stupid or get yourself hurt.” Jackson didn’t seem to think his words over any longer than he usually did, just resolving to do something right of the bat before thinking about the consequences of his actions.

“I thought you were with a girl?” It wasn’t really a question, but he was trying to give Jackson an out from his impulsiveness so the blond wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his night dragging his too-drunk roommate back to their dorm room when there were more… pleasing options. Mark was pretty sure Jinyoung and Jaebum were ready to leave soon anyway and Jaebum could probably manage dragging both Jinyoung and Mark to their respective bunks.

“Nah, never mind that. I’m not leaving you alone in a state like this, so shut up and let me help you.”

There was no arguing with Jackson when he decided something, so Mark shut up like he was told to and let Jackson guide slash carry him out of the bar.

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The trip home took at least twice as long as it usually did. Jackson was not exactly sober either and he had to take care of Mark. The problem in this was that he had to make sure Mark would not trip and land on his face, but not coddle the older one so much that he would start to protest. This meant stumbling and swaying with their arms around each other's shoulders, making their way slowly but steadily back to their dorms.  
Jackson kept talking about seemingly whatever everyday things that fell into his mind, starting from their last dance practice to what they should order to eat tomorrow morning. Mark found the constant flow of words calming, his drunken mind focusing more on the way Jackson said things than what he was saying. Jackson's lively intonation was a welcome distraction from the way Mark's head was spinning with too much alcohol.

They reached the dorms without any incident, which was completely thanks to Jackson. They got inside thanks to Mark, who actually still remembered how the new electronic lock to their rooms worked. Jackson made Mark lean against the wall while he got out of his jacket and shoes and then insisted he help with Mark's outer clothing.

"Thanks, but I can handle taking my clothes off myself." Mark argued while slumping down onto the chair they kept next to the door. He sat down a bit too hard and winced as his ass suffered for his miscalculation. After a moment of struggle, he managed to shrug his jacket off and Jackson hung it up while Mark tried to open his shoes. For some reason his shoes did not want to co-operate with him and Mark almost fell off the chair when he bent down to reach his feet.

"Stop that, you're just gonna fall on your head."

Mark wanted to protest but Jackson was already propping him upright again and then kneeling down to help the older one to get his insubordinate shoes off. Mark blushed in embarrassment, having Jackson take his shoes off made him feel like he was a little kid. The younger boy didn't seem to mind though, taking care to untie his hyung's shoe before slipping it off and storing it away. Mark bit his lip while trying to figure out what to say to express his gratitude for everything Jackson had done for him tonight.

"Thanks for taking such good care of me. I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable."

Some time before he had closed his eyes to shield himself from his vision going out of focus, so now he ended up having to open them again when Jackson paused in the midst of taking his other shoe off. If something he had said made the blond rapper stop in the middle of doing something, the expression on his face must be worth the struggle to open his eyes.

"What do you mean? Helping you doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable." Jackson looked sincerely confused with his eyes wide open and his head tilted slightly to the side. The effect of confused innocence was only enhanced by the position Jackson had, kneeling in front of Mark's chair and looking up at him. Mark realised he was being too vague.

"Uh, I meant the part where I kiss guys and you're grossed out by it."

“What? No, no, it’s not grossing me out at all.” Jackson was quick to defend himself, as Mark should have expected and prepared for.

“I mean, it’s not grossing me out that you kiss guys, I’m not against guys kissing guys or whatever, it’s just… weird, I guess.” Mark crunched up his nose in a childish expression at Jackson’s elaboration, not appreciating the way Jackson was kind of digging his own grave deeper with the accidental insults he was throwing.

“I’m not uncomfortable with it, I guess I’m just like, curious. Or something. You know I’ve only kissed girls, so I just, uh, I just wonder sometimes how kissing guys is different from that.” Well that was… unexpected. Mark blinked owlishly at Jackson, who looked away and seemed embarrassed of letting his need to defend himself make him spill his guts to Mark once again.

“Oh. Um.” Mark tried to think it over, but due to the drunken state he was in he couldn’t be bothered with going over all the implications of this revelation. The core point was the delightful news that Jackson wasn’t just too polite to mention that it disgusted him that Mark kissed guys. But what really made his night were the possibilities that came with Jackson being curious about kissing guys.

“Yeah, it’s very different. You should try it sometime.” Mark knew he was being bold, but he was ready to fall asleep where he was sitting and could not bring himself to care that he was being more straightforward than he would be if he were sober.

Jackson seemed to notice Mark’s state of almost falling asleep and finally got up from the floor to pull the older boy up. There were a few moments of awkward silence while they moved again and Jackson seemed to be going over his words before saying them for once. Mark’s eyes were slipping closed, but he was trying hard to not make Jackson’s effort of getting them to their room completely impossible by staying somewhat awake and making an effort to lift up his legs after one another to resemble walking.

“I really wouldn’t feel comfortable hitting on a guy though, so that’s not an option.”

Jackson seemed to be ready to dismiss this train of thought with that sentence, but a selfish idea had popped into Mark’s head, and the opportunity seemed just too good to pass.

“So make out with me sometime.”

It was daring, but it seemed like the perfect solution at the time. Jackson would get the experience of kissing a guy without having to bother with the flirting and its repercussions, and Mark could finally sate his curiosity about Jackson’s mouth and stop thinking about it as much as he didn’t want to admit he did. Mark risked a glance at Jackson’s face.

Jackson seemed to be completely thrown off by Mark’s suggestion. The expression that had frozen on his face was difficult for Mark to read despite of him having known Jackson for a long while. But there was at least confusion and mild panic on Jackson’s face and Mark immediately regretted his words, thinking that he had gone too far with his boldness. He was ready to take his words back or make a joke about it when Jackson seemed to relax and responded.

“Maybe… I guess, since you wouldn’t misunderstand. And besides, I know I can trust you to keep a secret, so it wouldn’t be such a big deal, right?”

Jackson had gotten them over to the room they shared with little to no stumbling, and helped Mark to land onto his mattress and not onto the floor beside it, not that Mark cared at this point on what surface he would be sleeping. There was no point trying to change into sleepwear as it would take forever, so Mark just laid down and tried to pry some blankets from under him.

“Yeah… It would stay just between us, no consequences.” His words felt ominous, but his head was spinning and he just wanted to sleep now. Jackson made a sound that signaled he agreed with Mark’s words and then disappeared from the room. He was back in a moment with a glass of water, disturbing Mark’s ongoing process of passing out by dragging him back to a sitting position and forcing him to drink at least half a liter of water before allowing him to slump down again.

Mark managed to wrap some of his blankets around him and sighed in content. His blankets were soft, inviting and they smelled like the detergent that was used to wash their laundry. It did not take him too long before he fell into a dreamless, alcohol-induced sleep.


	2. WEEK 1: Sunday

Mark woke twice during the night and managed to change into his pyjamas, use the toilet, drink more water and get himself a painkiller, so when he finally got up in the morning he was not feeling half as bad as could have been expected. In order to avoid dwelling on his conversation with Jackson last night he kept himself busy by taking care of his hangover. Mark showered, brushed his teeth and ordered food for all seven of them. He sorted his laundry and drank several cans of coke. He wanted to shave but did not dare to, as his hands had a slight tremor to them caused by his hangover. He would still be fine for a day before he had to shave, so it was no matter.

He saw Yugyeom when he came out of the shower, but the youngest seemed to be half asleep and went straight back to bed after using the toilet. Everyone else was still asleep, so Mark ate in silence at the kitchen table what he could of the galbitang he had ordered for himself and the others and afterwards returned back to his and Jackson’s room to watch some videos on his laptop.

Approximately one hour later Jackson woke up, groaning loudly and keeping a firm hold of his head. Mark got up from where he was sitting on his mattress with pillows piled against the wall to function as his backrest and walked over to Jackson, wordlessly offering a glass of water and a painkiller he had procured for the occasion. The suffering blond took them gratefully, gulping half of the water before falling back down on his pillow, rubbing at his eyes and letting out small sounds of distress. Mark deemed that he had done everything he could to help Jackson for now and returned to his pillow-packed spot, resuming the video he was watching when Jackson first started making noise.

He was just finished with the video when Jackson stirred again. The blond sat up yawning and stretching. He looked adorable with his puffy eyes, hair sticking up every which way and expression looking positively grumpy. It was an innocent enough thought, so Mark allowed it to himself.

"What time is it?" Jackson grumbled, removing the eye mask he had been wearing during the night but which had slipped from his face to rest around his neck. Mark glanced at his laptop.

"A bit past one. If you can stomach it, I think the galbitang is still warm."

"Really? Awesome!" Jackson's eyes lit up and he beamed at the older boy in his goofy way. There was no easier way to cheer up hungover people than food. Mark was about to get up and fetch some of the food for Jackson when the blond beat him to it, tossing his blankets away and getting up. Jackson was wearing a loose black tank top and checkered grayscale boxers that suited him all too well. Mark averted his eyes very quickly, chewing on his bottom lip while lowering his head and hoping his bangs would cover his slight blush. It probably worked as Jackson made no comment on him blushing, and that guy never passed up on an opportunity to tease someone, especially if that someone was Mark.

Once Jackson had left the room Mark turned his focus back to his laptop and started writing the email he had been meaning to send to his parents already yesterday. As the opportunities to visit his parents in Los Angeles were few and far between, Mark tried to keep them updated on how he was doing by skyping and emailing them almost every week. He did miss his home, but would not trade his current life for anything. He knew both Jackson and Bambam felt the same about their families and friends back home in Hong Kong and Thailand respectively. It was something they had in common and understood well about one another. Due to their shared living space Mark and Jackson knew this especially well, being there for each other when news from back home were overwhelming. Sharing these circumstances and those moments brought them closer.

Jackson returned before Mark had had time to finish his email, so he did not lift his gaze as the other strode past him to his own mattress. The air was filled with the quiet clacking sounds of Mark typing on his keyboard and the soft sounds of Jackson eating and at times shuffling to change his position on his mattress. They existed in each other’s space in relative silence, just like they usually did. It was comfortable and familiar, and Mark’s fears of possibly having alienated his best friend with his bold words from last night started to dissipate.

That, of course, was the moment when Jackson decided to drop the bomb.

"So, did you mean what you said last night?"

Mark's head whipped up and he was pretty sure his expression resembled that of a deer in the headlights of a car. That was at least an accurate comparison of his situation, being caught completely off-guard and now staring at his inevitable doom that was Jackson, sitting just half a mattress away from him and looking at him with a curious expression, an underlying uncertainty visible in his eyes.

"Um, what-" He didn't have the chance to finish whatever he was going to say as Jackson launched himself into one of his rant-like monologues which were his way of making his point when discussing an uncomfortable topic.

"I mean, I don't know if you remember 'cause we were drunk but, uh, you said that if I'd, um. You said it'd be ok and you wouldn't be uncomfortable with it if, uum. That if I'd like to know what it's like to kiss a guy you'd, like, make out with me so I'd know but wouldn't have to like, go pick up a guy at a bar or anything. Yeah."

Okay, now they were both definitely blushing. Yeah, they shared secrets and talked about difficult topics they would not discuss with other members of the group, but this was definitely undiscovered country in regards of their friendship. Sure, they were touchy-feely with one another just like they were with anyone of their group, if not more, but that was nothing compared to this. Jackson was running his hand through his hair, mussing it up in his nervousness. Mark was clutching his laptop with way more force than was necessary. He flicked his head so that his silver hair would get out of his eyes.

"Um, I do remember. And yeah, the offer still stands, if you're not uncomfortable with it."

His words portrayed more confidence than he currently had and Mark was proud of himself for that. Jackson was pursing his lips and looking at Mark from the head of his mattress, where he was sitting with his legs crossed in front of him, shifting a little in the awkwardness of the situation.

"Cool. Um, can we do it now?"

Mark had not known his eyebrows could rise this high on his forehead. He was once again caught by surprise by Jackson, who was in his usual way being bold and impulsive, that never changed. Mark hesitated.

"Um, I don't usually do that while I’m sober."

Mark had to focus to unclench his hands from his laptop and turned to set it to the side of his bed. There was no way he was going to be able to finish his email right now, so there was no point in holding onto his laptop like it was his lifeline. He tried to gather his thoughts, but they were running all over the place trying to make some sense into this absurd situation he was right now in with his best friend and roommate.

"I know, I just. Don't want to be somewhere where others could see and um. If I'm gonna try it I rather remember it fully."

His operation of putting his computer away had granted Mark an excuse to look away from the blond sitting just two meters from him, but eventually Mark had to face Jackson again to not make this moment any tenser than it already was. Jackson's dark eyes were watching him carefully, like he were a wild animal about to flee at the slightest sign of trouble. He didn’t feel like fleeing, he just wanted the earth to open up and swallow him right now so he wouldn’t have to deal with this confusing situation anymore.

He ran his tongue on the inside of his mouth, checking his teeth. His mouth didn't taste like hangover anymore after having brushed his teeth and eaten some food, but he had to check. It's not like he had a chance to make out with his best friend every day, or ever. If this was going to be the one time Mark had a chance to kiss Jackson and find out what those plush lips felt against his own, he would make the most of it.

They could do this. They would manage this situation so that it would not affect their friendship or have any consequences. Mark had pretty much promised that yesterday and he would put all his effort into upholding the almost-promise.

He could do this.

"Okay."

He got up and moved over to Jackson’s mattress before he would have the chance to make up an excuse in his head to get away from this situation. Mark nudged Jackson’s legs to prompt the younger boy to make room for him and the other was quick to comply. Mark's pink flannel pants rustled softly as he knelt down between Jackson’s legs and set his anxiously sweating palms on his knees.

Mark took a deep breath to gather himself and lifted his eyes to look Jackson straight into the eye, faces just half a meter apart. They had been closer than this on several occasions, but this moment and its atmosphere was completely different from the occasional variety game or friendly bro-on-bro closeness they had within the group and especially between Jackson and Mark. The older boy chewed on his bottom lip, feeling uncertain but refusing to back away.

"Close your eyes."

Unlike Jackson, Mark had experience on kissing both girls and guys. Kisses with girls would usually be gentle. The lip glosses and tints girls liked to use in South Korea made the kisses sticky and sweet, tasting of strawberries or cherries or whatever the preferred flavour of the month was. Girls were usually pliant, not really taking any initiative, at least not until there was a lot of familiarity. It made the situation uneven, forcing the guy to lead. Kissing guy on guy was more balanced and fierce, and that was what made it more exciting. It was a struggle for power. Everything about the experience was different: girls always smelled of something nice, of flowers or fruits, covering the smell of their skin behind perfume, whereas guys tended to use a deodorant or perfume that would compliment their natural scent, resulting in a musky, heady smell. Girls were all soft curves and wanted to be held like something precious. Guys were all about flat panes and strong muscle right under the surface, craving firm or even rough touch. Of course these were just generalizations, but they were quite accurate in at least most aspects in all encounters Mark had had. Having experienced both sides Mark felt that he could with some accuracy infer what Jackson had experienced in regards to kissing, and with that knowledge Mark hoped he could make this kissing experiment interesting for Jackson. Whether the other liked it was another question that could only be answered by going through with this.

Jackson was just sitting there, having closed his eyes like Mark told him to. His face looked serene, his lips parted slightly in anticipation of the kiss. Mark wanted to touch them with his fingers, but that was totally out of question. Instead he shuffled a bit closer and realizing the fact that he couldn't reach Jackson's lips if the other did not lean forward to meet him, Mark awkwardly set his hand behind Jackson's neck, guiding him to lean a bit forward so they could kiss in a position that would be comfortable for both of them. Mark could feel Jackson's breath ghosting over his licked lips just before he closed the distance between them.

He wanted to start off easy in case Jackson would really hate kissing Mark and want to back off from the kiss. Mark tilted his head into the press of lips, starting to move his lips against Jackson's slowly. Jackson didn't stay idle for long, bringing one of his hands to touch the side of Mark's face timidly to prompt him to turn his head more to the side, and after Mark complied he left his fingers to rest there. Mark’s skin tingled under Jackson’s touch and when he felt the tip of Jackson's tongue testing his bottom lip, he quickly gave up the idea of going slow and immediately deepened the kiss, eager to finally find out what Jackson tasted like.

The kiss was intoxicating. Jackson's lips were soft against his own, but far from pliant. Their tongues slid together and explored each other's mouths curiously, the slide deliciously wet, the taste of galbitang lingering in Jackson's mouth but not covering what Mark figured was Jackson's own taste. The blond smelled slightly of sweat and the trendy shampoo he used, the combination being quite addictive. Mark took a small break of the kiss just to take Jackson's bottom lip into his mouth, kissing it and feeling it with his teeth, liking the fullness of it. Jackson countered by moving his hand from Mark's cheek into his hair and pressing into the kiss with more force, sliding his tongue more forcefully into the older boy's mouth.

They broke the kiss several times for just a second to grab a quick breath and then continue. Mark did not want to stop as this was his one chance to experience this. He was liking kissing Jackson way too much to be over it once they would stop, he knew that already but could not bring himself to regret this. The short dyed hairs on the back of Jackson’s head were soft against his fingers, tickling his fingertips deliciously when he adjusted his grip a little. Mark's other hand was resting on the younger boy's shoulder, wanting to press their chests together but feeling that that would be crossing a line. Mark kept himself in check to his best abilities, keeping the make-out session intensive but controlled, avoiding making it too fierce or desperate.

But it had to end eventually. After what could have been ages, but probably was only a few minutes, Mark pulled back from the kiss, retracting his hands from Jackson’s person and settling them awkwardly back on his knees as he sat back on his heels. The arousal thrumming in his veins was undeniable, but manageable, and concealed in his loose fleece pants. He was okay. Mark took a slow and shaky breath, taking in the sight in front of him.

Jackson was leaning back on his left arm and had lifted his right to touch his kiss swollen lips. He looked dumbfounded with his eyes wide open and face flushed. Mark bit his now sensitive bottom lip again, eyeing Jackson warily, waiting for some kind of a reaction from the younger boy. Jackson blinked several times and then let out a loud huff of a breath that turned into a few laughs that left Mark confused and concerned about Jackson’s mental state.

“Oh wow. You, um, you’re a _very_ good kisser.” Jackson laughed in bewilderment, his right hand leaving his lips and settling behind him.

“Um, thanks. You’re not bad either.”

His response made Jackson laugh in amusement and the blond assumed an expression he tended to use when he was being teased or “mistreated”: a glint in his eye and pouty lips.

“Awww ‘not bad’, is that it? You insult me. All the girls love my kissing.”

Jackson was excellent at dissolving awkward moments in apparently any situation, since he was doing wonders to counter the awkwardness that was imminent after a make-out session between best friends. His defence made Mark laugh and continue the banter with half-hearted insults.

“Yes, I’m sure your 3rd grade crush thought you were amazing. Been a long time since then, yeah?” Mark teased, taking a more comfortable position on Jackson’s mattress, uncrossing his legs from beneath him to rest beside him, one of his feet resting on Jackson’s calf.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’ve kissed many girls since then!”

Jackson was going further than was necessary in his defence and Mark couldn't help but laugh. He tried to calm his beating heart and focus his mind away from how hot Jackson looked, thoroughly kissed and laughter in his eyes. Yeah. He should really move away now.

Mark got up from Jackson’s mattress, smiling reassuringly at Jackson who looked up at him with an expression of curiousness. He excused himself to the toilet, needing to take a moment alone in order to get his wits back together, but that was not something he would admit to Jackson. The younger boy needed to feel like this was okay and that their friendship would not be affected by this, and that required Mark to not overly react to having kissed Jackson.

He had to draw a line. It was okay to recognise that Jackson was attractive, as to deny that would not help anything. It was acceptable to be aroused by a hot make-out session. If he processed these feelings spurred by kissing the younger boy he could move them to the back of his mind.

He would deal with this, get over himself and everything would be okay between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes chapter two. How are you liking it so far?


	3. WEEK 2: Saturday

The following week was mentally very exhausting for Mark. Surprising was that it was not difficult at all to resume his friendship with Jackson the way it had always been, touchy feely and very close. On the outside nothing was different when they were alone or with others, any awkwardness that could have been had already been resolved on that sunday morning after they kissed. The two English-speaking rappers were glued to each other’s sides like usual.

The problem was that on the inside, Mark had not been able to calm the maelstrom of confusing thoughts and feelings that had been going on quietly in the background for as long as he had wondered about kissing Jackson, but had intensified and grown out of control now that he had for a moment had that which he had wanted. He couldn’t help but want more, and it made no sense. He wasn’t used to really wanting to make out with one specific person. He was used to wanting to be close and physically friendly with his friends and wanting to make with anyone who was attractive, but his focus on Jackson was disconcerting. He didn't even like Jackson that way, so what was the reason for his thoughts to return to Jackson again and again?

Before they had made out Mark would just at times notice when Jackson did something with his mouth and for a moment wonder what kissing Jackson would feel like. He figured that once he had tasted those lips and felt that darting tongue on his own the thought would not occupy his mind anymore - after all, he had kissed the other members and did not wonder about kissing them any longer. Been there done that.

But with Jackson, it hadn’t worked out like that at all. He was now hyper aware of what Jackson’s mouth was doing at any given moment. He was careful to not be caught staring at Jackson any longer than usual, but he would see in the corner of his eye Jackson biting his lips, sticking his tongue out, biting his fingers, pouting, or just mouthing words... It was distracting. The occasional dirty thought that would pop into his head made concentrating onto their practising complicated to say the least, though due to his shy character the others did not find it weird that he was blushing and shying after getting reprimanded for messing up the steps or lyrics or whatever they were doing.

It had been a difficult week.

More so for Mark with his invincible mental battle, but also for everyone else, so they had opted to go to a bar today, this time to one that had a more spacious dance floor and better DJs. After a week of reliving the memory of his make-out session with Jackson Mark was trying to bury the thought under layers of alcohol, violent dancing and kissing more strangers.

He had had several make-out sessions tonight, but he just wasn't feeling it. The guys he chose were attractive like always, they were good kissers and he was drunk - he should be having a good time. He wasn't. They didn't taste right, they didn't smell right, they just didn't feel right. Mark was getting frustrated, being quick to ditch each kissing partner before finally giving up and going over to Jinyoung's side. He wrapped his arms around his friend from behind and buried his face into his shoulder.

"Aww hey Mark, are you okay?" At least Jinyoung smelled familiar, if not right. Mark picked his face up from Jinyoung's shoulder and instead set his chin on it, pursing his lips.

"I guess. I'm just bored and I don't like the guys I've found today."

Jinyoung laughed at his troubles, which earned him a short jab to his ribs. The yelp the singer let out as a reaction made up for it. Jaebum came up to them carrying several beer bottles, looking slightly concerned when he noticed Mark's expression of boredom and disgust. Their leader was wise enough to not ask and just handed the pouty rapper one of the beers he was carrying, which definitely made his points go up in Mark's eyes.

Mark let go of Jinyoung and took a seat with the two singers on the bar stools around this part of the bar counter. The duo resumed a conversation they were apparently having before Jaebum left to get more beers and Mark was content to just sit next to them, sipping from the offered beer bottle and making a comment every now and then. At some point Youngjae stopped by, grabbing the rest of the beer bottles for him and probably Yugyeom and Bambam, disappearing back into the crowd with a wide smile and nods for his hyungs. Jackson was nowhere to be seen and Mark had resolved himself to not scan for the blond rapper in the crowd.

Some time later one of newest and trendiest hiphop songs in the scene started playing and Yugyeom appeared from nowhere, challenging his hyungs to a dance battle and dragging into the direction of the dance floor eagerly. It was kind of cute how excited especially Jaebum got, so Mark offered to watch the drinks at the bar counter while the others would go to dance this song. He swirled what was left of his beer around in his bottle, leaning his face on his hand while his elbow was resting against the bar counter, the perfect picture of boredom.

"You sitting here alone?"

Mark lifted his gaze from his drink to the man who had assumed the seat next to him, recognizing him as one of the guys the silver-blond had kissed and ditched a few hours earlier. This one had a white snapback set backwards on his stylishly cut black hair, ripped jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Mark moved his gaze away from the guy to stare forward to the back of the bar again, signaling that he wasn't interested in the other man's presence.

"Nah, waiting on my friends to get back from the dancefloor." The problem was that Mark was very polite: he wouldn't ignore someone who was clearly addressing him, though it might have been wiser to just stay quiet or walk away.

"Really? You know, I figured we had a thing going on. Then you ditched me and made out with some other guys... You trying to make me jealous?"

Mark managed to not snort into his beer. Really. Who did this guy think he was? Fine then, he maybe had not made his disinterest clear enough, but if more clues were needed, he could still spell it out without being too rude.

"Heh, no. Sorry, just not interested." Mark gave the other the possibility to leave the situation gracefully by looking away after making his point, hoping the guy knew how to count his losses.

Apparently this one either didn't know what "no" meant or just really wanted to embarrass themselves, because instead of accepting the refusal and leaving they leaned in closer, into Mark's space.

"Hmm, you playing hard to get babe?"

What was wrong with this guy? Mark allowed his annoyance show up on his face, leaning back from the guy and staring at him in disbelief.

“No dude, seriously, stop being a creep.” Mark chugged the rest of his beer, getting ready to leave the drinks he was watching just to get rid of this jerk, the others would understand. He was just getting up from the bar stool when the creep set his hand on Mark’s thigh, starting to say something and Mark had finally had enough.

“What part of ‘no’ do you not understand? I’m. Not. Interested.”

Of course this would be the moment when Jackson made an appearance: when Mark was snapping at a guy for being too friendly with him. Mark had just slapped the hand settled on his thigh away and gotten up from his chair when a friendly hand appeared on his shoulders, Jackson’s familiar voice asking whether there was a problem here.

“No, I’m done here.”

Mark turned away from the creep, grabbing Jackson by his elbow and dragging him away from the bar counter and the guy who did not know what “no” meant. He knew Jackson would have been quick to defend him, but really, Mark was a big boy and could handle himself.

Despite always making his best effort to be polite and calm, there were times where Mark would get pissed off, and now was one of those times. He was creeped out by the pushy advances and just did not have the mental energy after the tiring week he had had to deal with someone not accepting refusal. He stormed out of the club with Jackson in tow, too angry to stay at the bar and try to have fun.

The air outside was cool and smelled clean and refreshing, as was typical on a late spring night in Seoul. Mark turned to head back to their dorms, still dragging Jackson by the elbow with a grip that was probably a bit too hard considering it wasn’t Jackson he was angry at.

Mark wasn’t thinking straight. In his defence he was pissed off and slightly drunk, but there was no sense dragging Jackson into this, forcing him to leave the club just because Mark got fed up with the place. Jackson had just been there, concerned about him when he snapped at the guy, and had not protested when Mark insisted they leave. He was a good friend, not asking any questions and just coming with him. But Mark was at his limit now, thoughts racing in his head, feelings of anger, gratefulness, affection and confusion overwhelming him, and he just. Couldn’t take it anymore.

He stopped in his tracks suddenly, Jackson yelping in surprise at the sudden stop, starting to say something but not having time for that when Mark turned around, crushing his lips onto Jackson’s in an angry kiss. His hand that wasn’t holding onto Jackson’s elbow rose to take hold of Jackson’s neck beneath his snapback. When Jackson did not push him away, Mark threw caution to the wind and pressed closer to Jackson, kissing with abandon.

Jackson answered with the same amount of force as Mark was throwing into the kiss, taking hold of Mark’s waist and pulling the older boy firmly against his chest. There was nothing gentle about the kiss, it was all pushing and pulling, biting lips and struggling for power. It was full of emotions, of frustration, anger and desperation. They took a few stumbling steps guided by Jackson and Mark found his back pressed against the rough surface of a mortar wall. This was what he needed right now, to push all his frustrations into this fierce kiss with Jackson, with the taste of alcohol and Jackson in his mouth and the scent and feel of Jackson filling his senses with excruciating and confusing want for something he could not name, but it sure as hell had a lot of arousal ingrained into it.

They parted in a haze. Jackson had one of his right hand placed on the wall next to Mark's head, holding the blond rapper upright. Mark ruffled his own silver hair with his right hand, grabbing a fistful of it just to keep hold of some of his sanity. His anger had calmed but he felt like a bigger mess having all these memories about how Jackson had felt pressing very close and ideas of what it might feel like with fewer layers of clothes.

Why was he feeling like this? He was messing up their friendship and fast if he didn't sort himself out. Mark was scared of his thoughts, scared of what they might mean and scared of what would happen to their friendship if he ever voiced them out loud. The alcohol made him bolder for sure, but he was not in a completely reckless mood, he understood that there were consequences and implications to this that he really rather not think about right now.

"I'm sorry, Jackson. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this or taken my frustration out on you."

Mark risked a glance at Jackson's face from under his bangs. They were still standing way too close. This wasn't what friends did. But what could he do? He was not in control of what he was thinking or feeling when he was with Jackson. And he wasn't blind, so now that he had looked he had to recognize how absolutely gorgeous Jackson looked up close in the dim lights of the street, his face flushed and full lips dark from sucking and biting. These thoughts had gone way overboard. They couldn't just be explained away anymore. Shit.

Jackson finally took a breath and leaned away from the wall, out of Mark's personal space and back into a zone friends occupied. He licked his lips once and lifted his dark eyes to meet Mark's, a warm gaze in them, way more understanding than what Mark felt he deserved right now.

"Don't worry about it, I don't mind. That guy seemed like a jerk, you okay?"

Mark sighed in relief and brought his hand down from his hair, nervously smoothing down his shirt while he took a step away from the wall and into the direction they were going before Mark stopped them for an improper, unbefitting-of-friends violent kissing session.

“Yeah, he was. I get it that there’s gonna be misunderstandings when making out with strangers but I don’t get why some people just can’t handle the rejection. I try to make it clear from the start that I’m not looking to find my soulmate or get laid, but I still get this sort of bullshit.”

Mark felt more talkative than usual, but if he kept a swift pace in his talking and his walking, maybe he could run away from his own unusual behaviour and feelings. He also really wanted to make sure Jackson did not misunderstand his intentions in doing the drunken kissing with strangers. Jackson’s opinion mattered, even more now and regarding this.

Jackson had caught up to him and draped a friendly arm around Mark’s shoulders while they walked. Mark couldn’t decide how he felt about that - it felt too good and that was enough to make Mark’s mind spin out of control again in another loop of confusing and even conflicting feelings he couldn’t and wouldn’t try to sort out now. Tomorrow was going to be horrible, because he was going to have to deal with this mess of emotions eventually or go crazy. He pressed his teeth together, resolving to enjoy the feel of Jackson against his side for now and contemplate what to do with all of this tomorrow. This close Jackson’s smell was unavoidable - alcohol, perfume and the faint smell of sweat making the entirety heady. So nice.

“Well that’s stupid. You shouldn’t have to deal with bullshit just because you want to have some fun but not go all the way.”

It was a relief Jackson seemed to really get what this was all about, not judging or blaming him for what happened. Mark relaxed into Jackson’s side, wrapping one of his arms around the waist of the slightly shorter boy. If they could just stay like this, and Mark would not have to worry about feeling weird about everything relating to Jackson right now, it would be perfect. This would be enough, if he could just stay by Jackson’s side, being seen and understood as he was. Having a decent amount of alcohol in his blood made being this tunnel-minded possible - he could ignore what was coming tomorrow and just focus on the sensations now with little apprehension.

“Yeah, but I guess this is something that just is part of the deal when kissing strangers in bars, can’t be helped.”

Jackson made a pensive noise, accepting Mark’s words as the truth they were, and fell into a thoughtful silence. They walked a few blocks in silence, not having the same problem of walking straight without stumbling they had last week when they were doing the same thing.

The streets were empty this time of night, a car or a taxi driving past them every now and then and sometimes there would be someone walking the other side of the road, but it was quiet. After a few blocks of walking Mark realised the others would probably be worried about them and sent Jinyoung a message with the last of his battery life, telling him that they left the club and that he was sorry about the drinks he left unguarded at the bar. He turned back to Jackson and explained that he had sent Jinyoung a message so they wouldn’t be in trouble tomorrow morning and the other nodded, something clearly still lingering on his mind.

But nothing could have prepared Mark for what Jackson said next.

“It would be better if you didn’t have to kiss _strangers_ though, right? I mean, if you don’t want to do it just because they’re strangers, I don’t know. But if it’s enough for you, you could just make out with me instead? I mean, I don’t mind, you’re a good kisser so it’s fun, and it’d solve the douchebag issue.”

There was no way he could muster a sensible reaction to this. It was all just too much, he was too tired and Jackson was seriously fucking with his mind just suggesting something like that. What was he supposed to answer? What would a friend answer to something like that? A friend wouldn’t for sure make that big a deal out of it, especially since said friend did like to kiss guys for fun, so there was no reason to freak out about kissing Jackson sometimes, right?

“I guess so. You sure it wouldn’t be weird for you?”

“Nah, it’s you, so it’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuun.
> 
> I was super quick this time, I got very motivated by your comments! Thank you.
> 
> I'm going to be fairly busy over the weekend so the next chapter won't be out in just three days :D But because I have a buffer I can promise you a new chapter on 1st of October the latest.
> 
> Please let me know how you liked this chapter!


	4. WEEK 2: Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> morkkis - (n.) drinker’s remorse, a psychological hangover in which the sufferer extremely regrets the events of the night before.  
> [FINNISH]

The drinker’s remorse Mark had the next morning was unforgiving. It was only by a miracle that was Jackson being super understanding and polite that Mark had not completely fucked up their friendship last night, because he had for sure done his very best by doing everything he had resolved not to do. He had put everything they had in terms of companionship at risk by kissing Jackson in some anger frenzy. He had had no right. Mark had known that he shouldn’t do it, but he had wanted to kiss Jackson so bad and been too much of a mess with all of these emotions building up inside of him, that he had lost all good sense and just done it.

He could run from sorting his feelings for a while, suppressing them and pushing them to the back of his mind, but they were building up to be a Pandora’s box that was not going to stay closed forever, no matter how many locks and chains he put on it. Mark knew that once the box of emotions was opened there was no going back. Ignorance was bliss, but once you know there’s no going back to not knowing.

What made things worse was that Jackson had been so receptive to him last night. If he had just pushed Mark away, said that enough’s enough, reminded him that he had only agreed to a kiss once, then maybe Mark could push this under more layers of denial. But of all the bad things in Pandora’s box the best and worst thing was hope - Jackson had not rejected him. Jackson had even suggested they make out whenever in the future too. Mark had hope, and that made keeping all of this locked up inside his heart impossible. Hope for what, he didn’t know. Couldn’t know, before he gave a name to these things he was feeling.

He didn’t know whether his headache was more because of the alcohol he drank last night or the remorse and panic he had over yesterday, but it was bad. He got out of bed regretting his whole existence, dragging himself to the common room to get some water and painkillers.

Because the universe hated him, the common room wasn’t empty. Jinyoung was making coffee in the kitchen, humming to some tune. When Jinyoung noticed the older boy standing awkwardly at the door, he flashed him a bright smile that did not go well with Mark’s feeling of dread and world collapsing around him. He smiled half-heartedly at the singer, going to the medicine cabinet and picking a painkiller from one of the packages inside.

“Rough night, right? What happened? Why did you leave the bar and our drinks?”

Of course Jinyoung wanted to talk. Of course he wanted an explanation. The younger boy wasn’t accusing him of anything, but Mark was not feeling good enough about himself to not get defensive.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Jinyoung’s face dropped and concern was evident on his face, so that was clearly not the right thing to say if Mark wanted to dismiss this subject forever and not talk about it. Now even if Jinyoung let the subject drop for now he would pester him about it later on until the mother of the group found the answers he wanted. Great.

“Ooookay, something bad then. Tell me when you’re ready. Anyway, don’t worry about the drinks or anything, we just got a little worried about you when you and Jackson disappeared. I wish you had answered your phone though, I sent you like a bazillion messages.”

Mark had not come to think to check his phone after sending the one message, and the device was probably out of battery anyway by then. He smiled with a bit more feeling at Jinyoung this time, grateful the other let the subject drop at least for now. Mark walked to the sink, getting himself some water to down his painkiller and turned then back to Jinyoung again. He leaned against the sink behind him, bringing one hand through his mess of a hair and trying to give his friend at least some insight into what was going on in Mark’s mind.

“I’m a mess right now, but I don’t know how bad this is and everything is so very confusing. I’m trying to figure it out. Sorry to snap at you and sorry I didn’t notice my phone last night.”

Jinyoung nodded at what he was saying, a serious expression on his face. He was a good friend. Mark felt warm affection and regard for him. It was very different from the jumble of emotions that filled him whenever Jackson smiled at him, or set a hand on his knee, or got caught staring at Mark sometimes. Ah yeah, he probably shouldn’t think about Jackson right now. Mark cursed himself for bringing back the stifling bundle of emotions that pressed at his chest nowadays every time he thought of Jackson. It was no good. The pressure to give in and let the bad things out of the box was beginning to be overwhelming. He swallowed hard, needing to get out of Jinyoung's presence now.

"I'll see if I can't catch some more sleep to get rid of this headache."

Jinyoung smiled again, sipping at the coffee he had managed to make while they were talking and accepting Mark's excuse. The older boy did not feel good about the fact that the only place where he could go was back to his room where Jackson was sleeping, but he went. He buried himself in his blankets and closed his eyes fiercely, wishing hard to fall asleep so he wouldn't have to think about how it felt like his life was crumbling around him.

¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

He woke to the sounds of Jackson cursing as the other boy stumbled on something as he was apparently trying to move in their horrible mess of a room. Mark’s headache had receded and he was feeling better than he was before he had went back to bed. He looked up from his bed to see Jackson in a white tank top and black boxers standing by the half-opened door of their room, paused to look at the older boy with an unreadable expression on his face. When the blond boy noticed Mark looking back at him, he flashed a bright smile in the direction of the older boy and promptly left the room, probably to get some water or something. Never minding that the dazzling smile Jackson gave him was meant to just cover up the awkwardness of having been caught staring, Mark’s heart had skipped a beat at the sight of it. Shit. This was bad.

Mark closed his eyes and pressed against the wall next to his mattress, resting the side of his forehead against the cool surface. He breathed in and out slowly for a while, trying to get in control of the wallowing emotions that were heavily tinged with panic and worry. It seemed likely that this was not as bad as he thought, but because he was overthinking it and scared of his own feelings he was making this into something worse than it probably was. Sorting these feelings out and giving them the labels would probably help a lot in dealing with them, but there was no going back after that.

He knew all of this had to do with Jackson. He could admit that for some reason his own regard for Jackson had changed - he was noticing things he usually didn’t, and it was different from what he felt for the rest of their group. It was also different from the usual physical attraction or interest he might feel towards an attractive stranger. Mark was not ready to go much further on this track of thought. He felt he had an understanding of what this was, but like a word that’s on the tip of your tongue, he could not grasp it in his mind and name it, nor did he want to. He was scared to confirm whatever this was. He was not scared to admit that. The feeling that had settled on the bottom of his stomach was tread.

Mark laid under his covers for what seemed to be an eternity, his breathing calm and steady and the wall warming up against his forehead. It would probably be a good idea to take Jinyoung up on his offer. He was not sure if he wanted to go through this alone and he needed validation from someone else that all of this would be alright somehow. Mark slowly got up from his bed and moved to get dressed, glad that Jackson had not yet returned from whatever he went to do in their common rooms. He picked a big loose grey hoodie and black jeans, hiding his currently unstyled silver hair under a black beanie. He just wanted to throw on some clothes quickly and get out. If he could avoid seeing Jackson right now, it would be for the best.

Bambam and Yugyeom were watching TV on the sofa and Youngjae was preparing something that resembled breakfast in the small kitchenette they had when Mark walked back into the common room. Jackson was nowhere to be seen, fortunately. Mark walked over to the sofa, waiting for the youngsters to acknowledge his presence before asking them if they had seen Jinyoung.

“Yeah, he’s in his room.” Bambam smiled briefly up at him before returning his focus back to the variety show he was watching with Yugyeom. Mark thanked him and walked through Bambam’s and Yugyeom’s room to knock on Jinyoung’s door.

Jinyoung was clearly surprised that Mark would seek him out so soon, but taking in the appearance of the older boy he was quick to understand that Mark wanted to talk with him somewhere they would not be overheard by the others. As Jinyoung’s room was connected to the room of the youngsters and Mark shared his with Jackson, the only real option was to get out of their dorms. Mark did not have to actually ask the question, Jinyoung just nodded and went to grab his hoodie, before stepping back into the common room with Mark following behind.

“We’re going to go take a walk, want anything from the convenience store?”

Snacks was the obvious answer. Bambam also wanted some cola and ice cream, and Jinyoung promised to bring them some.

They took the long way to the park, Mark walking with his hands in his pockets and staring at the ground in front of him, trying to figure out where to start. He knew Jinyoung wouldn’t push him, the younger boy was a good listener and friend, understanding that Mark needed to take his time even if he had already decided to talk.

He guessed he could just start from somewhere. Even if it came out wrong, when he would explain the whole thing Jinyoung would get the picture and if he chose a few words poorly that was fine.

“I’m so confused about Jackson right now.”

That was the core of it. That was essentially what all of this could be categorized under, so it was a good place to start. He lifted his gaze to face Jinyoung. The singer had a serious expression on his face, looking attentive and politely interested. Mark clenched and unclenched his fists a few times in his pockets, thinking what to say next. Probably going through the events of last weekend and yesterday was best, as he would likely cover all the points while going through the stuff that was making him so confused.

And so he told Jinyoung about what had happened, about his fear of Jackson being disgusted of him kissing guys, but then his surprise when Jackson wanted to try out kissing. He confessed he had always wondered what kissing Jackson was like, but unlike he had thought, his interest had not faded after having kissed Jackson once. He told Jinyoung about yesterday, about how he had gotten so mad at a jerk not leaving him alone that he had left the bar with Jackson, ending up kissing him angrily against a wall despite of not having a good reason for it, and about Jackson suggesting that Mark kiss him instead of other guys in the future in order to avoid troubles like what he had had earlier that night. Jinyoung nodded and made noises of agreement in all the right places, letting Mark explain his bewilderment at how his view of Jackson had changed.

“- and I’m so scared I’m going to ruin my friendship with Jackson because of this, and because I’m so scared of that I’m not really able to, like, sort these emotions out, as I’m afraid of what I will find and there will be no going back from there... But I know that just denying this whole thing is making things worse as I’m a total mess of fear and guilt over something I do not understand.”

Jinyoung was quiet for a few moments after Mark had stopped explaining, searching for something in Mark’s eyes, a contemplating furrow between his eyebrows and his lips pursed in thought. Unlike with Jackson, Mark did not feel the urge to kiss Jinyoung’s pursed lips, which was another proof of this whole situation being fucked up as both were his very best of friends, and they should be the same, right? Why would one be different from the other? Why was Jackson so frigging special in his eyes? Mark was starting to get angry at himself, feeling like he was missing something completely obvious that he probably had ruled out from the start and thus was unable to see now.

Jinyoung seemed to carefully weigh his following words. They had already reached the park and Jinyoung sat them down on a bench in a spot where there weren’t many other people, staring into the distance for a moment before turning back to Mark, a worried expression on his face.

“You _do_ know what that sounds like, right?”

Jinyoung’s words were kind of - really - very - unhelpful, as Mark had just explained that he had not been able to put his finger on this mess of emotions, reasons and consequences. Mark leaned back on the bench, covering his face with his hands for a moment and making a frustrated sound that translated to “no”.

“Really? Um. Okay. Do you want me to break it down for you slowly or like ripping a band-aid?”

Mark made a gesture of ripping a band-aid off of his arm and Jinyoung sighed, scratching his ear and looking a bit uncertain, but Mark just really wanted to get this over with. Let Jinyoung be his Pandora, open the box of bad things and be done with it. His locks and chains were crumbling down anyway, no sense in delaying the inevitable any longer. Jinyoung clearly had an idea about what this was, so obviously it was something he should have understood himself, if Jinyoung could figure it out with a short-ish explanation. Mark hung his arm over the backrest of the bench, facing Jinyoung sideways with his head resting on his own shoulder, wearing an expression of simple exhaustion caused by the torment of emotions he had been dealing with for the past week.

“Okay. It sounds like you’re in love with Jackson.”

Mark blinked twice, staring dumbly at Jinyoung. What a crazy idea. He would not outright deny it, as he valued Jinyoung’s opinion and appreciated his people-reading skills, but it just seemed… Completely absurd, out of the question.

But on the other hand, he had suspected that the answer would be something that he wouldn’t even consider, and being in love with Jackson definitely fell into the category of things that would never ever happen or be allowed to happen. Jackson had been off-limits for even friendly kissing just a week ago, and any crazy idea or whim about anything more would have been buried a long time ago in favor of his career and their friendship. He would never have entertained any thought of Jackson as anything more than a colleague and friend, which would kind of explain the layers and layers of denial he had on this thing.

Mark furrowed his eyebrows, looking off into nothing and trying to get a feel of what the label of falling in love felt like against the emotional turmoil he had been going through. It felt awkward. He had been in relationships before, had felt what he had understood as love before and had felt sadness and some heartbreak, but his past experiences did not feel the same as this. This was not the love he had felt in junior high for his first girlfriend, or the love he had held for the guy he dated in high school, or any other love he had had. Those had been simple from the start, he had seen them, gotten to known them and liked them so much he wanted to go out with them. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go out with Jackson. He didn’t know what he wanted from Jackson. There was nothing simple about this mess of feelings he had for Jackson. But now that Jinyoung had given him the label, it did not seem any other would fit. So okay. Maybe he was in love in Jackson, even though that made no sense.

“I… Didn’t realise. Shit. I might be? I don’t know?”

Mark threw Jinyoung a look of helplessness and the other nodded slowly, placing a reassuring hand on Mark’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll just probably need some time to sort this out, but it’s not going to ruin everything. I’m here for you, we’ll figure it out.”

Mark smiled weakly at Jinyoung, wanting to believe his words. Yeah. Maybe he just needed time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Denial is over now :O
> 
> As I suspected, I have not had time to finish the fifth chapter, so I'm on uncertain ground now. I might post an interlude telling about what happens during the following week before the happenings of Saturday if I do not have time to finish chapter five within the week. The interlude will go into details of what happens throughout the week before Saturday, and with this new revelation Mark's just had, it would be interesting enough... And it would buy me time for chapter five :D
> 
> I'm starting to feel like I might be better writing Jackson's POV... So there might be an extra chapter after finishing this story to describe some things from Jackson's perspective just to give that POV a try.
> 
> How are you liking MAD? I love the album, but I'm super worried about Jackson's health after seeing him all silent and in pain in the Comeback Showcase live :I I really really hope they give him time to recover and rest.


	5. WEEK 3: Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King Game (왕 게임, or wang game) - a drinking game where every turn a new king is randomly chosen and the king can command one to two players to do anything. If they won’t do it, they have to drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S MY BIRTHDAY SO YOU GET THIS CHAPTER A DAY EARLY YAY.
> 
> It is also much longer than the previous chapters (5000 words instead of 3000) :P Enjoy!

Mark had been avoiding Jackson the days after he had realised his feelings for the other boy. Admitting his feelings to himself had helped with the confusion and tread he had been feeling, but being so close to Jackson every day made him feel nervous. He figured he would need some distance on top of the time Jinyoung had suggested to take in order to get in terms with this affection he held for Jackson. There was absolutely no way he would risk their friendship by telling Jackson how he felt, so silently loving the blond rapper and staying his good if not best friend is what he would do. He just needed some time to adjust before he could continue their friendship like before.

So for now, he kept his distance in a discreet way. Completely avoiding someone who was your roommate and colleague was impossible and out of the question, so what Mark was doing was mostly just throwing his attention and usual friendly affections elsewhere if he could do it in a way that didn’t seem like he was on purpose avoiding being close to Jackson. This meant Mark was clinging to Jinyoung a lot, mostly because Jinyoung knew what the situation was and was trying to help Mark out. He suspected Jinyoung had told at least something to Jaebum, because the leader was tactically pairing Mark up with other people than Jackson during practice.

Mark was not ignoring Jackson. If he would ignore and avoid Jackson so that the other would notice it, there would be a fight. This meant that Mark was not rejecting any of Jackson’s usual friendly affections, he simply did not initiate them himself as much as he usually did. He did drape his arm over Jackson’s shoulder if they were standing next to each other and sometimes tease the other over something, but he had to: if he would not do so suspicions would rise amongst all of GOT7 about how the two of them were getting along.

He did not want these feelings he held for Jackson, but it wasn’t like he could just decide to stop loving Jackson. Over time he would surely get used to these feelings. Maybe they would even just fade to the background to be a special but friendly affection for Jackson, but right now his love for Jackson was on the very surface of his thoughts, occupying his mind way too much and sometimes causing his body to react to Jackson in ways that were distracting to say the least.

All of the reactions were annoying enough, but it was easier to deal with sweaty hands and his heart hammering in his chest when Jackson did something charming, smiled his way or grabbed him in a hug. What he really wasn't dealing with was Jackson in a tank top or even shirtless, panting and dripping sweat after dance practice, looking so ravishing, so hot, wild and sexy like Jackson would brag. Mark couldn't deal with that. He wanted Jackson. He wanted all of that sweaty skin moving against his body, he wanted to taste that skin, to trace those muscles with his lips.

Mark couldn't help how his body reacted to Jackson's in those moments, so more often than not he would have to excuse himself to the toilet a few times more than usual to calm himself down, and he'd spend ages in the shower afterwards, keeping it as cold as he could tolerate, desperate to not let his arousal show to anyone. After a few days of slight freak-out moments in toilet stalls he decided to try masturbating more often to take worst of the edge of. This was of course a horrible idea in terms of trying to get over Jackson as he could not seem to keep his mind off of Jackson in those moments. He would take himself in hand in the shower in the mornings, achieving a quick climax thinking of Jackson’s arms glistening with sweat or how those strong thighs would feel like, pressing in between his own to spread them open.

These morning moments in their shared shower made him feel guilty because they were not helping him to get over Jackson, but at least they enabled him to calm his reactions better during the day, and work was most important in this case. The feelings would take their time to fade anyway, so if it was a bit worse now, but made it possible for him to do a better job at their dance practice, it was worth it. He clinged onto the thought that if he just gave this time, he would be able to live with this if not get over it. The thought was his lifeline right now - he needed to believe that this was going to be okay, that GOT7 would be okay, if he just kept this in check and upheld his friendship with Jackson to the best of his ability.

He could do this.

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When weekend came round again, Mark practically begged Jinyoung to arrange their usual saturday drinking night at the dorms. Another night at the club would be torture for Mark now that he realised his feelings but would have to keep up acting like earlier, making out with some strangers. He really did not want to do that, and Jinyoung did not take too much convincing, so a drinking game night was arranged. The youngsters were in charge of getting snacks and drinks for everyone and Jinyoung was preparing dinner for everyone in their kitchen. Mark was on cleaning duty with Jaebum and Jackson, if only to keep them out of the kitchen while Jinyoung worked his magic. 

They had a few beers with their dinner before the games began, going over the events of the gone week. The atmosphere was cheerful and bubbly due to the tipsiness of the members. It was warm in their dorms, especially when everyone was spending time in their common room, so everyone had dressed light. Mark was wearing his long pajama pants only because he tended to get cold on his feet, but the others were wearing shorts and tank tops and complaining about the warmth in the kitchen.

The dinner was good and when Jinyoung announced that they were done and ready to move to the couch after cleaning up, a commotion ensued when everyone tried to be done with the cleaning up quickly in order to get the best places on the sofa, since not all of the seven would fit.

Mark was first to finish because he had been wise enough to pick taking the dishes from their table to the sink as his task. He chose the corner seat on the sofa and was soon joined by an already exhausted Jinyoung, who draped himself over Mark’s lap in order to both protect Mark from having to deal with Jackson and to get scratchies in return for his kindness. Mark obliged him, idly threading his fingers through Jinyoung’s short black hair, watching the others hustle around in the kitchen.

In the end Yugyeom sat next to Mark on the very corner of the sofa with Bambam sitting on the floor between his legs and Jaebum sat next to Jinyoung, taking the legs of the other singer in his lap. Jackson sat at the other end of the sofa, one arm around Jaebum’s shoulder and one of his legs fighting for place in the leader’s lap. Youngjae sat on the floor next to Jackson, pouting after he barely missed his chance to sit on the sofa in a mad dash from the kitchen with Jackson. There were some claims that Jackson had pushed him on the way, but they were silenced quickly so they could get to the important part: the games.

Everyone had their own beer bottle or drink to enjoy at their own pace, but there were several bottles of soju waiting in the fridge and one sitting right in the middle of their circle, ready to be devoured as punishment shots for losing. The first bottle was opened and Youngjae managed to flick the end part of the cap off first, so Bambam who sat next to him had to drink. Jackson won the number guessing game and everybody else had their first shots of soju, some like Yugyeom letting sounds of giddy amusement, others just taking it in a stride, knowing there was more to come. 

They played a few rounds of Baskin Robbins 31 to get the mood going and had to open a second and third soju bottle very soon. Mark was doing pretty well, he rarely had to to take soju for making a mistake, but he made up for the difference in sips by downing more of the soju and soda drink he had made for himself. The atmosphere was relaxed, Jinyoung fussed in his lap and he dared to glance at Jackson’s profile every now and then, making sure to look at the other members too to not make his glances at Jackson appear as weird on the outside as they felt on the inside.

After losing in Baskin Robbins 31 for the third time in a row Jackson insisted they change games and suggested his own favourite, the King Game. That figured, since it was Jackson’s game by name and included making other people suffer. It was a game that was not to be undertaken if the participants weren’t drunk enough, as the game was more fun (or more of a torture) the more people dared to ask as a king and do as the slave. Mark did not really enjoy the King Game, as it often went to embarrassing lengths. He tried to protest, but the others were too drunk and excited about the game, so he had to go with it.

Because they were doing full shots of soju as punishments, they were emptying bottles fairly quickly. This was going to be a massacre in terms of alcohol consumption, but at least they had no hurry to wake tomorrow. Mark shifted uncomfortably, prompting Jinyoung to change his position. Jinyoung sat up a bit, not leaning anymore on Mark’s chest but rather on the corner of the sofa next to Mark, their shoulders touching. Jinyoung moved his feet from Jaebum’s lap to Mark’s and Mark gave them an affectionate pat.

Jackson and Bambam eagerly prepared the cards for the king game, cutting seven pieces of paper and numbering them from one to six, with the seventh slip having the crown that marked the king of that round. Jackson donated his snapback for shuffling the paper slips, his blond strands of hair resting messily on top of his head after the protective headgear was removed.

The first round Jaebum was king, and ordered a fairly simple and kind task of doing an acrobatic trick for number 1, which happened to be Youngjae on the first round. Youngjae took the easy way out and did a couple of forward rolls across the floor, getting a few cheers from the other members and some complaining from Jackson, who insisted that the move should have been something more difficult. Jackson happened to be king next and it was obvious he would not be giving any easy or kind tasks. Number 3 and 4 were ordered to do a sexy dance up against the wall, and with his luck Mark had the number 3 on this turn. Yugyeom was number 4 and he stole most of the show, but Mark did get some whistles when he slid down the wall with his legs open and a hand resting sort of obscenely in front of his crotch.

Because Jackson was the one who issued the dare Mark had an excuse to look the Hong Kong rapper straight in the eye while doing his slide. He tilted his head up in defiance and bit his lips, totally over acting the scene, but it was okay. The alcohol took away inhibitions so that was a good excuse. He was just doing a dare and overdoing it for comic effect. It did not deter the way his heart jumped at the dirty smirk Jackson gave him during the slide, but that must have been for the show too. Nothing weird.

"Numbers 1 & 6, eat a pepero stick together!"

Eating a pepero stick from the opposite ends was one of Bambam's favorite dares to give, so of course the thai boy would order that first thing when he became king. Jaebum and Jinyoung were the (un)lucky ones this time. Due to their seats right next to each other neither of them had to even get up from the sofa to complete the task, and they made the whole task seem easier than it should have been. Jaebum took the offered pepero stick, stuck it into his mouth and leaned close to Jinyoung, not a shred of embarrassment in his movement. The former duo cleared the task to everyone’s disappointment with efficiency and minimal amount of lips touching, causing Bambam to pout since his task ended up being too easy to his liking.

Yugyeom was the first to take a punishment shot in this game after king Youngjae tried to make him run around the block while singing. Jaebum insisted they punish Youngjae also for suggesting something that could be damaging to their career and safety, but Jinyoung was able to calm the leader down and Youngjae escaped punishment.

A few more rounds passed with the dares getting more and more dirty or degrading each time, approaching what was obviously coming, which was doing kissing dares. Youngjae took a shot rather than did strip tease and Jaebum refused to go ring their neighbor's door to borrow some milk, so they ended up having to open the fifth or sixth bottle of soju. Nobody was counting anymore.

It was Bambam crossed the line to the kissing dares and Jaebum and Youngjae were the first ones that had to do the ten seconds of making out. The leader moved quickly to plant his lips on Youngjae’s, since the other singer was known to back out of kissing dares and Jaebum was not eager to take another shot so soon. Youngjae was as red as a tomato after the ten seconds, wailing something about Jaebum ruining him forever. He didn’t get much sympathy from the others, who were eager to continue the game.

Usually when the game got to this point, it quickly spiraled out of control. Every other dare would be kissing, but Yugyeom, Youngjae and Jackson would refuse the kissing dares if they had the time and opportunity to do so, which meant that they and whoever they were supposed to make out with would get uncontrollably drunk very quickly, and they would have to stop the game.

Next up as king Jinyoung tried to delay the inevitable by coming up with a dirty dare that wasn't kissing, ending up daring Jackson to make a hickey on Mark's knee. Mark threw Jinyoung a panicky look, but Jackson didn't seem to be bothered by the suggestion, just verifying from Jinyoung that he had to leave a mark that would be visible but would look like a bruise.

Mark's breathing sped up. This wasn't a good idea, but it wasn't one he could refuse without being suspicious. Jackson had already gotten up from where he was sitting next to Jaebum and moved to kneel on the floor in the corner of the sofa where Mark was sitting. He couldn't back away now. Mark bit his cheek and resolved himself, slightly leaning back where he was seated, seeking support from Jinyoung.

Jackson was on his knees in front of him, reaching for the leg of his pyjama pants to roll it up to his thigh to expose the skin of the top of his thigh and his knee. This felt like one of those wedding activities where the husband would lift the bride's skirt and sneak underneath to remove the garter with his teeth while everyone was watching. Mark was embarrassed, but he was allowed to in a situation like this, so he felt no apprehension when he buried his face into the crook of his right elbow. 

The blond rapper glanced up to him, throwing a smile into the mix of confusing images and thoughts Mark tried to stay in control of. When Jackson leaned in to rest his lips against Mark's thigh right on top of his knee, but he couldn’t help but give a start. The touch was tentative and soft for a second or so, which seemed like forever considering Jackson had a dare to complete. Mark flinched when Jackson bit slightly into his thigh, starting to suck on the skin to make the bruise he was tasked to do.

The other members were cheering and laughing, enjoying the show Jackson was putting up and the obvious embarrassment Mark was showing. Mark bit on his cheek, determined to get through this with some shreds of his dignity left. He had a giddy feeling at the bottom of his stomach from having Jackson touching him like this, but most of his mind was filled with panic of being found out, even though there was no difference in his behaviour to what he would have behaved like if he had been in this same situation a few weeks ago, when he was unsuspecting of his emotions and would have behaved like a friend. He would have been as shy and embarrassed even without any special feelings, so he should be safe from discovery.

It was just that his thoughts were filled with the want to do this with Jackson in private and preferably on his neck or collarbones. He was having a hard time keeping his imagination in check despite or maybe because he was under a lot of stress of to keep up appearances and not let any of this show.

“There, done!”

Thankfully Jackson was quick to finish the hickey, leaning back on his heels and proudly showing off his work. Mark dared to glance from under his arm to look at his knee and Jackson, making a face when he saw the burgundy and purple shaded, vaguely mouth-shaped bruise on his thigh right on top of his right knee. It wasn’t really a spot that would get typically bruised while dancing, but nobody would get that unless they thought about it, and he could always lie he hit his knee on the corner of a table or something.

Mark made a show of wiping Jackson’s saliva off of his thigh with his pant leg before covering his knee and calf with it again. These were the same fleece pyjama pants he had been wearing when he kissed Jackson for the first time…

Mark dismissed that train of thoughts quickly and focused back on the game. Jackson had taken back his seat next to Jaebum on the sofa and it was time to shuffle the slips again. Mark picked number one from the lots, relieved he did not have to think up a dare. Luck was not on his side though: Youngjae was king this time and he was determined to get revenge on Bambam and Jaebum for making him kiss. Unfortunately the game worked so that you could never know who you were daring, so it was Mark and Jinyoung as numbers 1 and 2 that were dared to do the kiss. Mark sighed in resignation, dragging a hand over his face and turning to Jinyoung who was already puckering his lips ridiculously.

He was slightly uncomfortable with this, knowing that Jackson was watching, but this was fairly easy for him compared to the hickey dare he just had to endure. He had kissed Jinyoung lots of times, and it was just that, a kiss between friends for fun. It was what kissing with Jackson was supposed to be like, but wasn’t.

Mark shifted his sitting position so he could face Jinyoung better. They were sitting in the corner of the sofa with their legs tangled, so Mark had to climb half on top of one of Jinyoung’s legs and tug his own legs underneath him to get a position that was sensible for kissing. He flicked his hair away from his eyes before bringing a hand to Jinyoung’s neck and tugging him forward, feeling a hand of the younger boy coming up to his hair to steady his head.

Jinyoung clearly wanted to make a show out of the kiss since he was biting and pulling on Mark’s bottom lip, but Mark didn’t mind too much. He had had enough alcohol to not be too self-conscious while kissing, so the situation was enjoyable except for the fact that everyone was watching and counting the seconds out loud. He swore he could feel Jackson’s eyes on him - but that shouldn’t be news or anything weird as they were playing a game, of course everyone would be watching Jinyoung and Mark completing the dare.

Ten seconds was over quickly and Mark and Jinyoung moved back to their previous seating arrangement, not making a big deal out of the whole thing. Everyone shuffled around a bit, Bambam was explaining something to Yugyeom and Youngjae was arguing with Jaebum over something. Mark rested one of his hands on Jinyoung’s thigh, throwing his friend a small smile.

He hadn’t meant to glance at Jackson. It had just happened automatically, his eyes had just wandered over to where Jackson was sitting without asking his rational mind for consent. But he did look at Jackson, and the expression in Jackson’s eyes brought him to a halt. Jackson wore a smile on his face that seemed to be there more out of habit than actual amusement. Normally Mark would have assumed Jackson to be deep in his thoughts and wearing an empty smile because of that, but Jackson was staring straight at Mark with such intensity that it was clear the other was not zoning out. It was kind of intimidating.

The moment broke when Youngjae prompted the others to collect the slips back to the snapback so they could deal another round.

Mark was king next and he thought he might as well order a kiss. Maybe he could get Jinyoung and Jaebum to kiss, everyone had been so disappointed when the JJ Project boys had cleared the pepero task with little awkward lip touching. It was unlikely he'd get those two, but everyone was in the mood for these dares anyway, so whatever.

"Okaaaay, numbers 3 & 6, kiss!"

Jackson cursed out loud in English and waved around his paper slip that had the number three on it, Jaebum laughing next to him with the number six. Mark laughed and leaned to grab the soju bottle from in front of Yugyeom, where it was placed after the youngest had spiked his own beer with a shot of soju. 

"Aww tough luck for you, Jaebum, I chose unwisely. Here's the soju, drink--"

Jackson was kissing Jaebum.

That... Wasn't supposed to happen. Jackson never agreed to the kissing dares.

Yet there he was, half straddling Jaebum's lap with both of his hands framing the leader's face. Mark’s stomach dropped.

Mark knew he was staring with his mouth left hanging wide open, but that was an acceptable reaction considering the impossibility of what was happening. The other members probably wore similar expressions, but Mark couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene that was unfolding in front of him to confirm that.

Jaebum seemed as started as anyone else, his hands hovering for several seconds in the air before settling awkwardly on Jackson's back. Jackson had tilted his head completely to the side to gain better access. He did not seem to be messing around considering how intensively he was moving his lips against Jaebum's.

Mark felt like he couldn't breathe under the weight of his warring emotions. Astonishment. Want. Jealousy. Heartbreak. He was sure the world stopped as Jackson kissed Jaebum. This couldn't be happening.

At some point his hand had found Jinyoung's and he was clutching it like it was the only thing keeping him together. Jinyoung didn't complain though it must have hurt, instead just squeezing his hand back, being there for Mark.

After what seemed like forever but was probably only a couple of seconds, Jackson parted from the kiss, leaning back in Jaebum's lap. Jackson smacked his lips loudly, glancing around at the others before grinning and breaking the stunned silence.

"That was around ten seconds, right?"

The room erupted in shouts and screams.

"OH MY GOD JACKSON!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??"

"JACKSON, YOU NEVER KISS ANYONE."

Bambam pretended to check Jackson's fever while Yugyeom was rolling around the floor with his head in his hands. Jaebum seemed to be frozen in shock, staring at Jackson with a dumbfounded expression. The rapper just laughed at their astonishment, climbing out of Jaebum's lap.

"All hail the god of alcohol for giving me courage to kiss Jaebum!”

Mark had at some point had the presence of mind to close his mouth, but he had no idea how to handle this situation further than that. He was still crushing Jinyoung's hand. Amazingly enough Mark’s lungs seemed to remember how to breathe and his heart was still beating in his chest. The world hadn't ended when Jackson kissed Jaebum. Planet earth was still turning and he was still alive, with his heart hurting in his chest.

He had held this small twinkle of hope that somehow, miraculously he and Jackson would end up together, because Jackson had only kissed him. There was no place for that hope anymore - clearly it had been just experimenting with a good friend, and now that Jackson knew how enjoyable kissing guys could be, he could go around kissing any of his friends. Mark felt hurt, and he had no right.

Never before had love felt like this, and this was just his crush kissing a friend over a dare in a drinking game... If this was what love was really like, it sucked.

Mark really should have averted his eyes from Jackson. He was not ready for it when Jackson turned to meet his eyes. Mark did not know what expression he was wearing, didn’t know how he’d look in Jackson’s eyes. But Jackson... Why on earth was Jackson so perfect in his eyes? The blond rapper grinned as he turned to look at Mark, a wild expression on his face. It felt like a challenge, or an answer to one, but Mark did not know why. He should probably interpret it as Jackson showing his kissing teacher how well he had learned, so Mark tried to make his face form a small smile, probably ending up looking resigned or disappointed.

"What on EARTH Jackson!?"

Jaebum had woken up from his stupor, drawing Jackson's attention to himself. He took hold of the rapper's shoulders, shaking him as if to see if the man was for real.

While the chaos continued and everyone's attention was focused on Jackson, Jinyoung got Mark’s attention by touching him with his free hand, smiling apologetically at Mark and signing to the hand Mark had still trapped in his iron grip. Mark winced in apology, quickly letting go of Jinyoung's hand.

"You okay?" Despite having just endured Mark's crushing grip Jinyoung was worried about his wellbeing, which was somehow very typical of the mother of the group. He was too kind, and Mark couldn't handle how grateful he was for Jinyoung's friendship on top of the mess of emotions he was right now. Mark shook his head in answer and settled his head on Jinyoung's shoulder, needing the support right now.

This shouldn’t be such a big deal, but Mark could not help but be upset. He was quite sure the alcohol he had drunk made this all the more dramatic, so sleeping it off would be in his best interests. Sleeping on upsetting matters had helped him before, as it gave him time to process things and calm down after the event.

Mark explained to Jinyoung that he wanted to go to bed and the other nodded, moving so that the older boy could get up from the sofa, reassuring him that he could handle the others. Mark gave Jinyoung a small, grateful smile and disappeared into the bathroom, getting ready to brush his teeth and wash his face so he could get quickly to bed. Tomorrow morning he would surely feel better.

Mark steadied himself above the sink with his hands, resting his head on the cold surface of the mirror above it, his hair slightly sticking to his skin. His mind kept playing over and over the sight of Jackson holding Jaebum’s head steady and tilting his own head to gain better access for his mouth. He pressed his eyes closed, swallowing hard. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but he couldn’t help it - tears were determined to trickle from the corners of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and dripping onto the sink.

It felt like a relief to cry. He was allowing himself these emotions. He forgave himself for feeling like this, accepting that this sucked but not wallowing in guilt about feeling like this in the first place. It was okay for him to feel like shit when he saw Jackson kiss someone else, it was okay to be sad because he knew this love would not be accepted. It felt good to allow these negative feelings wash over him.

Being heartbroken felt bad, but experiencing it felt like a good thing. Now he knew. He knew that his love for Jackson was serious, knew that love was worth a lot, even the hurt it now caused him. He valued it. He would embrace this sadness now and he would grow stronger because of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for Mark, I had no idea he would react this badly :( I feel like I have no control over the characters, they live their own life.
> 
> I had a lot of fun researching and writing the Korean drinking games, although I feel quite unsatisfied with my writing style at many points. I'm still working on that.
> 
> Next chapter (should) be last of the original story and the seventh chapter would be the extra chapter from Jackson's point of view, buuut I have absolutely no clue where chapter 6 is going right now. I am in the middle of writing it and it might be I need to make more chapters, depending on how things turn out. Or chapter 6 might be super long. No idea.
> 
> Have an awesome day everyone! I have a big deadline coming up but I will try to give you chapter 6 during next week.


	6. WEEK 3: Sunday

Mark woke up the following morning with a bad taste in his mouth, confused for a moment before he recognized where he was. Jinyoung had come to check up on him last night when he had taken too long in the toilet, and when the mother of the group found the eldest in their toilet with tears on his face, Jinyoung had deemed it best that Mark would not have to sleep in the same room as Jackson, offering his room for Mark instead and claiming he would be okay on the common room couch or between Youngjae and Jaebum, and Mark had ended up taking Jinyoung up on that offer. He really had no desire to explain to Jackson why he was crying, and the tears didn't fully stop before Mark fell asleep in the bed covers that didn't smell like his and Jackson's room at all.

He got up stiffly from Jinyoung's bed, taking care to make the bed before he sneaked to the sliding door that separated Jinyoung's room from Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s room. Yugyeom was sitting on his bed, busying himself with his smartphone. Bambam was nowhere to be seen. Mark slid the door open, peeking inside the doorframe and smiling politely at Yugyeom when the youngest noticed Mark by the door and greeted him with a big smile.

"Good morning princess, breakfast is served soon in the common room."

Mark crunched up his nose at the title, entering the room and making a pouty face at Yugyeom.

"Why am I a princess now?"

Yugyeom's smile widened into the shit-eating grin he wore when he got to gossip. Mark knew this was probably not good as he was apparently part of the gossip, but he rather know what was going on before facing everyone. He was sure Jinyoung wouldn't tell anyone about the breakdown he had, so this was probably about how he disappeared from their game night without excusing himself.

"Jinyoung and Jackson totally got into a fight about you yesterday when you were nowhere to be found! Jinyoung was defending your honor and right to sleep like a prince in shining armor when Jackson wanted to go check on you. I think Jackson just had gotten so worried that he got annoyed when Jinyoung knew where you were all along. Why did you go to sleep in Jinyoung's bed anyway?"

Mark raised on shoulder in a half shrug, not wanting to go into the details with Yugyeom, so avoiding the real reason with a half truth was his best option.

"I guess I had more than enough to drink."

Yugyeom shrugged, understanding that Mark was not going to explain further or believing him because everyone had been drunk the previous night.

"Jackson really got worried though. Next time please say something so he will not plan a full-blown police operation or something when you go missing."

Mark nodded and smiled politely at Yugyeom, excusing himself to go and check on the state of their breakfast. He considered this new piece of information about the fight Jinyoung and Jackson had over him disappearing. It was not illogical or weird that Jackson got worried about him, considering the type of person that Jackson was. Yugyeom made it sound like Jackson had totally freaked out about it, which was probably exaggerated. Jinyoung had probably forgotten to give an excuse for Mark immediately and all hell had broken lose. Oh well. It was likely Mark would have to persuade Jackson with favors to get the rapper to forgive him, Jackson loved to be dramatic when he was offended.

As expected, it was Jinyoung who was shuffling around in their small kitchen preparing breakfast for everyone. Mark greeted him from the doorway, getting a quick smile from the younger boy before he returned to frying bacon on a saucer. Mark needed to use the toilet, so he excused himself to the bathroom quickly.

When Mark left the bathroom he noticed Jinyoung’s sullen and thoughtful expression. Mark walked over to him, draping one arm around the younger boy’s shoulder and setting another on his elbow.

"Do you need any help?"

Jinyoung gave him another smile but shook his head, claiming he was pretty much done anyway. Mark stayed next to him, wanting to ask about Jackson but not knowing how to pose the question. Jinyoung glanced at him and sighed, turning away from the bacon and facing Mark properly.

“You know, he got actually worried last night. I’m also pretty sure he got jealous because you were sleeping in my bed, because when I finally got him to agree to leave you alone for the night he made sure I went to sleep on the sofa, he prepared the blankets and everything! It was ridiculous."

Mark hid his face in Jinyoung's shoulder, not sure how to take all of this. Jackson was always very protective of his friends. It felt nice to be cared for, even though he also felt bad for Jinyoung because of the fight.

"I'm sorry you got into a fight because of me. Thanks for the help last night."

Jinyoung patted his head and stirred the bacon absentmindedly around in the frying pan. They were both silent for a moment, before Jinyoung broke the silence again.

“I think you should talk with Jackson.”

Mark tilted his face to the side, throwing Jinyoung a doubtful expression. The younger boy was focusing back on the food now, picking bacon away from the pan onto a plate with tongs and setting more bacon on the pan.

“Yeah I figured since he got worried over me last night, but what’s up with the special recommendation?”

Jinyoung shrugged and caused Mark to dislodge from his shoulder. The eldest wrapped instead one arm around Jinyoung’s waist, poking him into the ribs with the other, since the younger boy was being all mysterious and not telling him everything. After pestering the singer for a few more minutes Mark gave up, sighing and taking a few steps into the direction of his own room.

He was not sure what Jinyoung meant with that comment. It sounded like the singer recommended him to tell Jackson that he cried last night, or even why he did, but that was a stupid idea, as he would have to find a way to explain that he got jealous and overly dramatic because of the alcohol and because of their close friendship and not the fact that he had fallen head over heels over Jackson. Another possibility was that he should talk to Jackson about his protectiveness and tell him he was a big boy and did not need Jackson to worry about him if he wasn’t in his own bed by midnight or something. Or maybe Jackson had said something that had sounded weird or bad in Jinyoung’s ears and he was worried about Jackson and wanted Mark to find out what was wrong. But these were just guesses - he couldn’t know because Jinyoung wasn’t saying anything. The look in Jinyoung’s eyes when he had said that made Mark kind of anxious though, so when he opened the door to his and Jackson’s room it was with apprehension. He wasn’t really ready for this kind of a discussion, but they had to do this now to not prolong the tension that was present in the group because of last night. GOT7 came first.

Jackson looked up from where he was sitting on his mattress when Mark entered the room and closed the door behind him, leaning on the door uncertainly, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else than in their room alone with Jackson. Mark opened his mouth, trying to find some words to say to Jackson that would make some sense.

Jackson was quicker than him.

The blond rapper got up from his mattress in one smooth movement, crossing the distance over to where Mark was standing at the door before Mark had time to say anything and took hold of Mark’s both arms by his elbows, holding the slimmer boy gently, but firmly in place, a determined but confused look fixed on Mark.

“I need you to be honest with me. And you need to know I’ll be honest with you. And I need you to promise and understand that I also promise that we won’t allow whatever we talk about now ruin the hard work of everyone, and that we will not give up on the friendship we have had for years now. Because I need to have this talk with you or I will honestly explode, but I need your word that you will answer me honestly and even if things turn out for the worse we will talk it through and work this out, okay?"

Jackson's rant left Mark dumbfounded. This sounded bad. Like, really bad. Like, Jackson totally had noticed his crush and wanted to confirm it. At least he was being upfront about it, and Mark should be relieved that Jackson seemed very serious about wanting to make their friendship to work no matter what. Maybe this was for the better then, to face the other and let the secret out, so they could work it out together. Mark nodded solemnly to Jackson, promising to watch this through and to be more honest that was probably best for them both.

"Good. I need you to tell me why you didn't want to sleep in our room last night."

This wasn't the final question, this wasn't what Jackson was really asking. This was only leading up to it. But it was a good question, one that was difficult to answer with full honesty like Jackson required but without revealing all of his cards yet. Mark averted his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment, thinking the words over. Mark didn't like to be pushed into a corner like this. He was not going to help Jackson in digging up his secrets, so he was going to stall with nuggets of truth that weren't the full story. If Jackson wanted to know everything, he'd have to dig deeper and reveal his own suspicions first.

"I was crying and didn't want to be seen by you or the others."

"Jinyoung saw you though."

"Yeah but he knew already so it was a moot point to hide it from him anyway."

Mark lifted his eyes to face Jackson head on. Jackson was not going to give up, but Mark was not going to give in so easily, so they would have to dance around the subject until one of them dared to cross the line.

“Fine, okay, so why were you crying?”

“Hmm, many reasons. I was exhausted and drunk and got overly emotional because of the game.”

“Why?”

Jackson was definitely at an advantage, because he was the one posing the questions. That wouldn’t do. Mark pushed against the hands Jackson was keeping hold of him, forcing the other to take a step back. Jackson loosened his grip, not trying to force the older boy to stay still, so Mark twisted out of his hold and walked a few steps into the middle of the room before turning around to face Jackson with a question of his own.

“What does it matter? It was silly to get upset over a game anyway.”

Jackson sighed, clearly frustrated with Mark’s avoidance, but he looked determined to see this through, taking a step towards Mark but not crowding him again.

“This is important, Mark. Please answer the question.”

Mark bit his lip, quickly parsing an answer that would not reveal everything, but that would answer the question with the required honesty.

“Ugh, fine. It’s a stupid reason though, I swear. I got jealous because you kissed Jaebum because you’re my best friend and you hadn’t kissed a guy before me, but were kissing Jaebum on a dare like it was no big deal.”

It was a good answer. It was in no way definitive, but it was definitely the truth. Jackson looked like he knew that though, his shoulders slumping slightly as he clearly did not get the answer he was looking for, so Mark was not out of the clear yet. Jackson was gritting his teeth, his hands tightening into fists with apparent frustration.

“You know what? Fuck this. Here goes nothing.”

Mark did not know what to expect, but with Jackson clearly frustrated if not angry, he lifted up his hands to the level of his chest as Jackson suddenly approached him, ready to defend himself if they needed to wrestle this out or something. It was less a conscious thought and more a reflex in a situation that was slightly threatening. Jackson closed the distance between them with speed that came from being a sprinter, but instead of coming onto Mark with fists Jackson stepped right up to him, so close that the fingertips of Mark’s raised hands were touching Jackson’s chest.

Suddenly one of Jackson’s hands was behind Mark’s head, pulling him forward until their lips were touching. Jackson started a kiss that was a slow but purposeful slide of lips with the occasional touch of his tongue on Mark’s bottom lip. For a moment Mark did not know how else to react and just accepted the kiss, his eyes wide open and staring at Jackson’s closed eyelids. Jackson’s smell washed over him, bodywash and yesterday’s cologne. This was so overwhelming - this should be what he wanted, but it didn’t feel right.

After a few seconds it all became too much. He realised now, after everything that happened yesterday, this was not enough. It would not be enough to just be close to Jackson and kiss him, but hide these feelings. He just could not do the kissing without it reflecting the feelings he had for Jackson. He didn’t want the second best thing. He could do without Jackson returning his feelings, he had to, but almost having what he wanted was… Horrible.

Mark pushed Jackson away, taking a step back from the other boy. He ran one hand through his hair, gripping it by its roots in an effort to get a grip on what was happening.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

Mark’s voice wavered a little and he tried to carefully regulate his breathing that was closer to panting than he would have liked. He bit his bottom lip, quite sure that his eyes were reflecting the confusion and desperation that he felt at the moment. This was too much, and yet not enough. If this was Jackson’s way to prove a point, to drive Mark into a corner and prove by the kiss that Mark could not deal with Jackson as a friend, it was cruel.

At least Jackson's expression did not look like he was joking around at all. He looked shocked at Mark's rejection and again angry at his words, frustration clear in the lines of his body. This 'conversation' they were having was going nowhere and it was clear Jackson was annoyed too.

"Wh-What on earth Mark! I'm going out on a limb here-- do you really want me to spell it out to you??"

Jackson was gesticulating with his hands to stress the words he said, pointing to himself when he said he was going out on a limb.

"I can't do this, okay? I can't do this friends with kissing benefits thing when I know now there are more feelings in the play. I’m sorry it came to this.”

His voice was definitely shaking now, along with his whole body as he was fighting back the tears and waves of emotion. He absolutely hated this. He just had to keep believing that having this confrontation would make the future easier, that it would help to clear the air like this and they could be as good as before. But it felt so bad being exposed like this.

Jackson looked… He really didn’t look to be in a much better shape than Mark, which was a bit weird considering the situation. The blond had a helpless look in his big dark eyes, lips pressed into a tight line and one hand clutching the other arm by the elbow.

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have pushed you, I’m sorry. I’m hoping you can still be my friend despite of this, I won’t of course come onto you, everything will be like before. Please forgive me."

Wait. Stop. Rewind.

Mark narrowed his eyes. It felt like Jackson’s words had punched the air out of his lungs. This was not adding up.

"Wait what? What are you talking about?"

Mark held his breath. There was some sort of misunderstanding here, but he refused to contemplate what. He needed to get on the same page with Jackson, because it seemed like they weren't.

"Oh my god you're really going to make me say it aren't you, as if this isn't bad enough already. Fine. Alright. Mark Tuan, I'm in love with you. 사랑해. 我爱你. There. Now can we get to the part where we pretend this conversation never happened?"

...

Yeah, they really weren't on the same page, or even the same book.

Ahh, damn it all to hell.

Mark let his breath out in one big huff, the tension drawing from his body with the realization that they were total fools. He wanted to shout so he did, turning his back to Jackson for a moment.

Then his legs gave out and he slumped on Jackson's bed. He stared a moment at Jackson's confused and hurt expression before bursting out in hysterical laughter, burying his face in his hands. This was so unreal that it was ridiculous. All that heartbreak and hurt for nothing.

"What's so damn funny??"

Jackson was getting agitated, and no wonder. But the situation was too funny, and Mark had a hard time getting control of his undignified laughter. After some coughing and sucking air into his lungs Mark got control over his voice and used it in excessive volume.

"I LOVE YOU TOO YOU DUMBASS."

Jackson's astounded expression sent Mark into another fit of laughter. The younger boy opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, clearly at loss for words. It took him a couple of tries with different "wh" and "but" sounds before the usually so quick witted Jackson who always had something relevant to say was able to form a sentence.

“But you pushed me away? You said you don’t want this!”

Mark managed to calm down enough to stop laughing, wiping tears away from his eyes. He looked up at Jackson who was standing a few meters away from him, taking in the other's appearance. All fight had drained out of him, leaving a boy who looked young and lost. Mark felt bad for him.

“I thought you were toying with my feelings, kissing me to prove a point that it meant more to me than it should or something."

Jackson shook his head, making a few vague gestures with his hands that were probably supposed to express how absurd he thought that idea was.

"No, not like that. When you said you got jealous when I kissed Jaebum I got hopeful that it might mean that I'd have a chance with you, but you were being so difficult about it and I didn’t know what to think, so I decided to just risk it and see what happened, but then suddenly you were rejecting me, and it wasn’t supposed to go like that at all, and I just…”

"We're idiots." Mark interrupted him.

Jackson bursted out laughing, finally getting a smile on that handsome face that had been so serious during this whole conversation. It was a welcome sight, and Mark couldn't help but smile. It took a moment for Jackson to collect himself, but when he was done laughing he was smiling at Mark like a fool and damn if that wasn't the most wonderful smile Mark had ever seen. The thought was so ridiculous and cliché Mark wanted to hit himself, but he settled on promising he'd never admit that to anyone, not even in fear of death.

“Okay, that’s it. Can I kiss you now? For real?”

This timidness and uncertainness Jackson was displaying was endearing. Jackson was usually so bold and straightforward, so seeing him like this, a little unsure about himself was quite the change. Mark loved Jackson even more for this vulnerability.

"Yeah. Come here."

Mark lifted his arms, indicating he wanted Jackson to sit down on the mattress with him. Jackson sat down in front of him, shifting his weight around awkwardly, probably trying to figure how to do this. It didn’t fail to surprise Mark that Jackson was still being shy and unsure about this, even though Mark had made it clear that he wanted this. He decided to put Jackson out of his misery and promptly climbed into Jackson's lap, grabbing a fistful of that short and soft blond hair and taking Jackson’s lips into another kiss, this time with feeling.

Mark wanted to remember everything about this. He had engraved the first time they kissed firmly into his mind, because Mark had thought it to be the last time they'd kiss. This time was different. He knew this wouldn't be the last time, and it wasn't the first, but because of the thought that Jackson would actually want to be his, would want to be doing this more because Jackson liked him that way... It made this kiss that much sweeter and more meaningful. This kiss was a first of its kind.

Mark slid his tongue out from between his lips to explore Jackson's bottom lip, delighted when Jackson was quick to answer with a tilt of his head and an open mouth. The slide of tongue against tongue was delicious, and they weren’t in a hurry. This kiss was not a showcase of kissing with boys, not an experiment, not an act of anger, desperation or confusion. There was no excuse for this kiss. It was a kiss for its own sake, it was filled with feelings and it felt so good because they knew the feelings were shared and the kiss was what both of them wanted.

He was clutching the front of Jackson's tank top with one hand, the other caressing the short hairs at the back of the blond's neck. Mark's thighs were shaking slightly as he tried to keep his full weight off of Jackson's legs, suddenly too aware of how close their groins were to touching and shit he didn't need his thoughts going there right now.

Jackson was first to start letting his hands wander. There had been no place for the exploration of the other's bodies in their previous make out sessions, but this time... Jackson ran his fingers down Mark's partially exposed arms, letting his hands drop from Mark's elbows to his sides. Jackson felt up and down Mark’s sides, stopping to cautiously pick on the hem of Mark's t-shirt, clearly knowing what he wanted but unsure on how to do it or if it was appropriate or something. Jackson's fingers tickled Mark a bit, but the curiosity and novelty of the touch beat any possible discomfort. Mark shivered.

The kiss was broken for a second and Jackson was ever the opportunist to take the chance to remove Mark's shirt. Mark was not about to lose in this, so he was quick to tug Jackson's tank top half off of the other before the younger boy threw it off himself. Mark didn't feel like he'd dare to look down now, to actually look at Jackson's bare upper body when it was right there and for him to touch. This was happening so fast, and this was such a big change, being actually allowed to touch and do as he had dreamed in the guilty moments in the shower.

Jackson's fingers started to tentatively trace down Mark's back, the touch light and explorative. Mark shivered again, enjoying the soft touch on his shoulder blades and down his spine. He shifted in Jackson's lap, backing up a little bit and daring to put more of his weight on Jackson's thighs. Jackson didn't seem to mind. Mark leaned to rest his forehead against Jackson's, letting their heavy breaths mingle hotly in the small space between their lips. Jackson had closed his eyes and was forming unspoken words with his lips as he moved his fingers over Mark's back, familiarizing himself with the feel of it.

Mark closed his eyes too, willing himself to have the courage to set his hands on Jackson's bare chest, somehow still feeling unsure though Jackson was tracing circles down his back and was clearly okay for Mark to touch. It was scary to have what he hardly dared to dream of. Jackson's chest was warm and firm against his hands, a muscle twitching slightly at his touch but Jackson quickly relaxed into it. Mark started to timidly move his fingers over Jackson's skin, brushing up on his nipples and earning a small gasp from Jackson for it. Mark bit his bottom lip. He loved that sound. He wanted to hear more of those sounds coming from Jackson. Oh god this was going so fast.

Jackson was apparently emboldened by Mark's touch, because he quickly dropped his hands from Mark’s shoulder blades down to the rim of Mark's pajama pants, tracing over the skin just above it. Jackson was waiting for a moment to see if Mark reacted badly to the touch, but when he didn't, the younger boy set his hands gently on the curve of Mark's ass that was covered by the soft fleece pants.

Mark drew a shaky breath, arousal curling at the bottom of his stomach as Jackson gave his ass a firm squeeze. He was already hard in his pants, but unsure about how much further they should go at this point. Mark had lain with guys before, but this was completely unknown area for Jackson. They hadn't talked about this. They hadn't even talked about what would happen to their relationship and how they’d deal with the fact that they would have to keep it secret from the public to not go against their contracts.

Mark’s hands had unknowing to him felt their way up from Jackson’s chest to his shoulders, fondling the solid muscles just under the skin as he went over the words he wanted to say. He wanted to be sure that he wouldn’t give Jackson the impression he was rejecting these advances, because he really wasn’t. He wanted Jackson, but they needed more time to get used to this, to really experiment with just this before moving forward to the stuff wet dreams and shower moments were made out of. He didn’t even know if Jackson wanted to go there, but this was something they really needed talk about in order to avoid worse misunderstandings. Mark needed to know that Jackson was okay with this and what would probably follow and some point.

“Is… This good for you?”

Mark’s voice was a bit shaky due to nervousness and arousal, but he dared to look Jackson in the eye when the other opened his eyes and leaned a bit away from Mark to look at the older boy properly. Jackson’s eyes were deep, dark and watching Mark closely. Having that gaze fixed on him felt good and a little exciting, as there was obvious warm affection and some wild desire in those eyes, and those feelings were for Mark.

“Yes. Yes it is. Is this okay for you?”

Jackson’s hands were still resting on Mark’s buttocks and their grip felt grounding. It was very intimate to be held like this, and Mark liked it. He knew he was blushing again.

“Yeah, I like it. I just, are we moving too fast? You haven’t had interest in guys before, and um. I think we probably shouldn’t go further than this for now, just so that we can get used to this situation and what it means for our everyday lives.”

Jackson smiled at him and lifted one hand from Mark’s ass to caress his cheek and jawline in what was a very fond gesture.

“Hmm, I guess so. But I haven’t been uncomfortable with anything we’ve been doing so far, so let’s not stop doing that at least, even if it might be best to not go further than this right now.”

Mark smiled brightly at Jackson, moving one hand to the back of his neck again and pulling him into another kiss. Mark nipped lightly on the bottom lip of the other boy while he ran his other hand down on Jackson’s well defined arms, enjoying the feel.

The knock on the door startled the both of them, Mark quickly scrambling from Jackson’s lap to drag a blanket to cover his exposed upper body and Jackson fumbling to get his tank top back on with little success.

“Guys, breakfast is served. If you can separate for a long enough time to come grab something to eat, get out here before the others eat it all.”

Jinyoung was a saint for not even trying to open the door to their room, because Mark would have probably died from embarrassment if he had been found half naked, half hard and full-on blushing on Jackson’s bed with Jackson pulling his tank top right next to him. Mark hid his face in his hands and let out a few nervous laughs while Jackson answered that they’d be coming out to eat right away.

Jackson tossed Mark’s t-shirt into his face and got Mark to lift his face from his hands to put his shirt back on. The smile Jackson was directing at him was radiant as he offered Mark one hand to drag him up from the mattress.

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out. Let’s go, the others are waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> I could stop here.
> 
> I probably should stop here.
> 
> ... I'm not going to stop here.
> 
> I want to write another weekend and take this relationship further. I could not cram that into this chapter, as it would have been way too fast to feel real, and it's super important to me to write what I feel could be realistic progressions of relationships.
> 
> I have good ideas for the next chapter, so I should be able to finish it next week even though next week is exam week :D
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter and the way I've been so far progressing their thing from friendship to relationship!


	7. WEEK 4: Saturday

They had been horribly busy the next week too, managing to sneak quick kisses and hurried fondles between practices and whenever they had a moment after all, but they had little time for discussion or taking what they were doing any further with the comeback coming up soon and the promotional period starting quickly. This would be their last Saturday night before Jackson would start doing his Inkigayo MCing on Sundays and everyone else would be busy with whatever promo stuff their manager had them do, so they wanted to make their last Saturday night celebration something special.

They went to eat in the best meat restaurant they could afford, raising toasts to their hard work. They swore they'd do their very best in the coming weeks too, even though they wouldn't have their regular nights together anymore. The schedule was going to be tight for everyone, so they enjoyed themselves while they could.

After a little serious discussion and a lot of shouting, bickering and a long game of rock-paper-scissors, they decided to go to a karaoke place closeby for their last night. In the end everyone agreed that it was nice to have some privacy and that they could play drinking games or whatever they would have done elsewhere at the karaoke too. They booked a big room for themselves for three hours, making sure they had plenty of time to sing, play and drink in celebration.

Bambam, Youngjae and Jackson immediately raced for the karaoke tablet-slash-remote the moment they entered their suite, each of them trying to get first pick on a song they wanted to sing. Youngjae got first pick of the song after tumbling over Bambam and Jackson after Jackson had grabbed the maknae into a headlock. Everyone else filed into the room with relative calm. Mark was the last to enter with Jinyoung’s arm around his shoulders, neither of them being in any hurry to claim a song or a spot to sit. Jaebum had taken a seat in the corner on the sofas that lined three of the room’s walls, picking up the food and drink menu and managing snack and drink orders for everyone.

First three songs were quickly queued by the competing youngsters, Youngjae starting with a ballad he liked that had come out just a few months before. Jaebum announced that must have songs had to be queued now and after that they would be playing games to decide and force songs to be performed or sung. Bambam and Yugyeom were clearly excited, sitting in one corner of the sofa discussing what songs they should suggest as punishment performances and snickering at their own ideas.

Their snacks and drinks arrived when Jackson was just starting on a Snoop Dogg rap song he had been listening to lately. The English lyrics flowed smoothly off the Hong Kong native’s tongue, inspiring a few cheers. Yugyeom was excitedly clapping and moving around where he was seated as much as he could with Bambam laying on his lap. Mark grabbed a flavored soju drink Jaebum offered and sipped on it in between the  "yeah" and "alright" shouts he was dropping between Jackson's lines.

Jinyoung tactically moved over to lean on Jaebum's shoulder as Jackson dropped to sit down on Mark's other side. Jackson immediately monopolized Mark by draping an arm over his shoulders, pulling the older boy closer and pulling him into a debate held in a mix of Korean and English about which foreign rapper was the best right now, not caring that he was doing most of the talking. Mark was mostly focusing on the variety of expressions Jackson was making while he was expressing his opinions about different artists. The shape of Jackson’s eyes was nicely highlighted by the dark eyeliner he had put on for tonight.

Bambam had managed to find probably the only thai song on the list and was jumping in joy in time of the song. No one else understood a word of what he was singing or rapping, but the performance was so full of energy and the sound of thai was both fun and interesting, so no one was bored. Youngjae was trying to steal Yugyeom's lap while Bambam was singing, claiming it with his legs as he leaned against Jaebum in the leader’s own corner. Mark was content leaning into the crook of Jackson’s arm, watching the others enjoy themselves. Jaebum kept ordering more drinks for everyone, making sure everyone was getting their head filled with alcohol. More alcohol in their veins meant bolder and stupider songs and games later on, which was the point.

A few others performed songs, all members getting into a karaoke mood, giving a beat with the tambourine or beatboxing and at times joining into the song or dance. Mark only got up from the sofa once when he spotted 2PM’s Go Crazy on the list. The second he put that song on all members got up from the sofas to chant, sing and jump around the room to their JYP hyung’s hit from the previous summer. It was a lot of fun singing and playing together, but Mark didn't enjoy performing at a karaoke by himself, so he was waiting until the others ran out of songs and they'd start dealing singing turns as punishments. He didn’t want to use the very few karaoke numbers he actually liked to do before he really had to. It only took half an hour or so anyway before there were no more volunteers and Jaebum announced they'd be playing a game now.

"We need to decide the punishment song first!"

Jackson was eager to start setting the punishment and of course he had a song in mind. They would be doing a lot of this, so everyone quickly agreed having a popular trot song as the first punishment karaoke song. No one knew how to sing trot properly anyway, or Youngjae maybe stood a chance, so it was an excellent choice of punishment. Mark was glad they chose the number game as the game to play, since he was very good at it and hardly ever lost, because he would have been horrible at doing the trot song. True to that, it wasn’t Mark but Jaebum who made the first mistake. The leader was a good sport though, doing a very believable and hilarious rendition of _“What About My Age?”_ , which had everyone howling from laughter and Bambam and Jackson rolling around on the floor.

Next up Bambam insisted on the punishment being a girl group song of choice, quickly gaining the support of Jackson and Yugyeom. Jinyoung and Jaebum groaned and complained, but with a few puppy eyes and "girl group song" chants they relented, and a second round of the number game started. Bambam seemed intent on not losing as the other members teased him on shows and in games about how well the thai maknae knew girl group songs and dance routines. Eventually it was Jinyoung who made a mistake. He was pushed to the front and made to perform SNSD's Gee with snickers and cat calls filling the karaoke room as Jinyoung dutifully did the full dance routine as he knew it, not one to back away from the agreed punishment despite his initial resistance.

They had changed seats at some point during the songs and games. Jackson had moved to sit next to Jaebum, bothering him about some other game they should play for the next round. Mark was sitting between Yugyeom and Bambam now, the two maknaes competing for his attention between comments thrown to Jinyoung. Yugyeom was winning right now, since Bambam was partly focusing on scrolling through the songs available in the karaoke. When Jinyoung finished Bambam jumped up, grabbing both of the microphones and quickly handing one to Youngjae and one to Mark. Mark furrowed his eyebrows, confused and wary about what the maknae had in mind.

"Guys guess which song I found!!"

Bambam excitedly pressed play on the remote pad he was holding and the first notes of a too familiar song started playing. Mark was saying the first lines before he thought about it, routine too deeply rooted into his subconscious by months upon months of training to even have to think about it.

_"It's not working..."_

Whoops and yells filled the room as the members recognized their latest title track, everyone moving to get a better position on the sofas or the floor as all of them were eager to have fun with one of their own songs. Youngjae was just starting on his beloved verse as Jackson climbed to sit on the backrest behind Mark, ruffling Bambam's hair affectionately on the way and adjusting his position so that the backs of his knees were sitting on Mark’s narrow shoulders. Mark passed his mike to Jaebum, whose turn was next.

They were having a great time. The members were doing key moves from their dance routine with their hands or upper bodies as much as their seating arrangements allowed, singing over each other's parts, poking and teasing those in turn to sing or rap. Everyone in reach pinched or poked Yugyeom as his aegyo part came, laughter filling the relatively small room as the youngest pouted in response. Youngjae was singing his heart out, kneeling on the small stage.

Mark leaned his head back on Jackson's thigh, gazing up at the younger boy. The alcohol was humming deep in his veins, mixing with the longing and want he had felt for the younger rapper for days now. Mark let his eyes follow the line of Jackson's jaw, watching how the younger boy's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.Youngjae handed Jackson a mike as his rap part approached and the rapper took his rap in a stride, delivering it with his usual charm.

In the middle of his lines Jackson lowered his gaze from the other members down to the eldest member in his lap. A sexy half smile played on Jackson's lips, but his eyes were serious, full of meaning. Mark’s heart stuttered, surprised by having such an intent gaze fixed on him in a room where they weren’t alone and during words that might as well been directed at him.

Youngjae had moved to sit in Jaebum's lap and they delivered the last refrain together, managing to make some beautiful harmonies even with the alcohol in their blood, getting some background singing support from Jinyoung. Someone had handed Mark a microphone when he wasn't looking, because when his final lines came he had one on his lips. He was still looking up at Jackson’s dark hooded eyes as he was saying the lines, not knowing about anything else in the room as he watched Jackson’s face.

_"It's not working,_   
_so stop fronting,_   
_I know you want me - let's start talking..."_

Mark felt his self-restraint thin and snap as Jackson mouthed "I know you want me" in time with Mark's rap. That had definitely not been an accident, the other was being obvious and Mark couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to have Jackson pressed up against him now. As they were finishing up the song, Mark put his microphone against the table, dislodging in the action Jackson’s legs from his shoulders and the younger boy plopped down from the backrest to sit behind Mark’s back, legs framing his hips. The older boy smoothly leant back on Jackson’s chest, not making a big deal out of it, just a casual action amidst drunk friends who showed a lot of skinship. What wasn’t casual at all was his leaning his head back on Jackson’s shoulder and in the commotion of the room whispering a few chosen words in English in Jackson's ear.

"You, me, toilet, five minutes."

The wanton look Jackson threw him was totally worth the boldness he had had to display.

¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

In exactly five minutes Mark was pressing Jackson against a wall in the single toilet closest to their karaoke room. Jackson's lips were insistent on his as their teeth clashed and tongues battled. Jackson tasted and smelled of beer and salt, remainders of snacks just eaten in the corners of his mouth. Mark was intoxicated both by the alcohol and how close he had Jackson. He felt so needy, pressing close to feel the panes of Jackson’s chest and sliding fingers up Jackson’s muscular arms to feel the muscles move underneath the skin as the other ran his hands up and down Mark’s body.

Mark had always liked kissing while drunk, because everything felt like more and not enough at the same time. The heady feeling of alcohol mixed perfectly with arousal. He enjoyed being riled up by the kisses but not taking it further than that, enjoying the wanting more than the having.

The situation was critically different when he was kissing Jackson though.

Kissing Jackson was perfect. It was what he wanted, it riled him up, made him aroused to no end. But with Jackson not having everything, not going further was… Frustrating. Mark wanted more than the kisses, he wanted more than the groping that stayed off where it was most needed. He knew his affection was reciprocated, but this was another matter entirely. He wanted to have everything of Jackson. He wanted to grind instead of press, he wanted Jackson as naked as the day he was born and mouths and fingers in more interesting places, but he was trying to be considerate, trying to wait for Jackson, not pressuring him into anything the less experienced boy wasn’t ready for.

The wait wasn’t easy, it was frustrating and agonizing and Mark felt like he would explode from the anticipation. Alcohol made him more reckless and wanting than usual, which was why he had not-so-inconspicuously removed himself and Jackson from their karaoke room and was currently kissing the living daylights out of the younger boy, getting at least as much passion in return. But he wanted more. With the extra courage provided by his tipsy state Mark felt like testing the limits and so he did, angling his body so that he could lightly grind his hips against Jackson’s. Mark could not control the full body shudder his body reacted with to the surge of arousal that simple action shot through him.

The response Jackson gave to the grind made the risk totally pay off. The younger boy broke their kiss to let out a stuttered moan and grinded right back, making Mark’s breath hitch. Their positions were quickly reversed by Jackson and it was Mark who had his back pressed against the cool tiles of the toilet wall as Jackson pried a leg between willingly parting thighs to get a better angle for pressing their crotches together.

A strangled sound escaped Mark's throat as his clothed erection was dragged against Jackson's hip, the friction a torture for Mark's lust clouded mind. He felt a matching hardness dig into his hip and that did nothing for his racing imagination and increasing need to get Jackson in or around him. The older boy dropped his head to rest it against Jackson's broad shoulder, mouthing at the younger boys neck if just to keep his mouth busy and at least some of his thoughts away from what was separated from him by layers of jeans and cotton. Jackson was breathing hard, one arm on the wall beside Mark's head and the other around his small waist, pulling the older boy closer even as this was as close as they could get unless they got naked, which really wasn't a very appealing idea in a kind of unhygienic public toilet even with the alcohol clouding their judgement.

"I want you..." The words were out of Mark’s mouth before he could stop them, barely a sigh against the skin on Jackson's collarbone, but the younger boy had heard him. Mark froze as Jackson leaned back from him, panicking as he realized he had said those words out loud despite not meaning to do so.

But when he lifted his gaze to apologize or take back his words or swear that he was not expecting anything more than what Jackson was willing to give, he stopped as he saw the look in Jackson’s eyes. It mirrored Mark’s want, a knowing smirk on Jackson’s lips as his hand moved from Mark's waist to lift the hem of his hoodie up just enough to sneak fingers on the line of his hipbone.

"I know. And I want you. But not here, and not now. I want to take time for that, and we don't really have that many minutes before someone will come looking for us."

Mark nodded at Jackson's words, agreeing that their first time shouldn't really be drunk in a karaoke place bathroom while their friends were waiting for them in the other room. His body didn't agree, aroused by the idea of having Jackson just taking him there and then, never minding that it would be painful if not impossible without lube and awkward as hell against a cold toilet wall. Not really beginner level stuff. But desire never was logical or reasonable and it was pointless to deny that. He could want those things and still know that they were just fantasies and the real thing would be better, but not as crazy.

"I do have something in mind though..." Jackson's words shook Mark out of his thoughts, confused as to what Jackson was referring to, but the expression Jackson fixed him sent another surge of want straight to his crotch.

Mark was quick to get the idea as Jackson started palming him through his jeans, tongue and teeth busy on Mark's neck. Gentle sucking and biting on his neck and throat had always been a turn-on for Mark. He felt like he would fall apart in Jackson’s hands. How did the other boy know just what buttons to push? It was insane, but on the other hand that seemed just like something Jackson would do, he paid a lot of attention to other people and what they needed, so it figured Jackson would be a considerate lover. Or maybe Jackson was psychic. He might as well have been for how well he was reading Mark’s reactions and applying pressure at just the right places.

Mark didn’t know when Jackson had gotten the older boy’s belt open, but he did notice when Jackson opened the zipper to his tight black jeans. Jackson pushed the older boy’s jeans down a few centimeters to gain access to Mark’s erection, barely covered by the boxers he wore. Mark let out a garbled string of curses in a mix of Korean and English at the tentative touch on his dick, giving a full-body shudder at the sensation. He should probably say something, but he couldn’t come up with words. Instead he clenched Jackson’s strong arms in his hands, not knowing if he should push the other away or pull him closer.

He found his words when Jackson moved to kneel down in front of him, strong hands pinning Mark’s narrow hips to the wall, keeping him still as the younger boys lips tasted the skin above Mark’s boxer’s waistband.

“Stop, you don’t… have to, uh. Do anything.”

It wasn’t really a full sentence, but it was the best Mark could do right now. Jackson’s lips left the skin of Mark’s lower abdomen to allow his almond shaped eyes look up at the older boy’s face. Jackson’s startled expression quickly changed into a smile as he licked his lips and answered Mark earnestly.

“I know. I want to. Anyway I need some training before the real thing, and I’m not so used to dicks so this is me, getting used to dicks. So shut up and make notes so you can tell me how to do better next time.”

That was all the warning Mark got before Jackson leaned in to touch his lips on the damp spot on Mark’s boxers. Mark’s hands shook in bewilderment in the air above Jackson for a moment before he gingerly set them down on Jackson’s hair. He took hold of the blond hair as gently as he could in this state of arousal and intoxication, the sensation of Jackson’s soft locks against his fingers grounding him a little. However it could not compete with the feeling of Jackson’s lips on his dick, and the thin fabric of his boxers was still in the way - no way was Mark going to be able to handle this when he would actually have Jackson’s lips on him without fabric in between.

Jackson was feeling the shape of Mark’s erection with his mouth, studying the curve of it and reducing Mark into a mess of whimpers and voiceless prayers. More than anything he just wanted the fabric parting them to just disappear out of the way, to have that skin on skin contact where he yearned it most right now, but Jackson seemed determined to take his time in exploring Mark like this. The younger boy was probably trying to get used on the thought or the smell of sex with a guy. Or he just enjoyed teasing Mark. Or both.

Mark felt out of breath when Jackson finally started tugging the front of his boxers down to get the older boy’s erection out. To finally have Jackson’s fingers on his cock after awaiting the touch for so long felt amazing. The blond stroked along the Mark’s length a few times, the touch tentative at first but getting bolder with every gasp and sigh Mark made. He felt hyperaware of how close Jackson’s mouth was to his crotch, his body quivering in anticipation, finally daring to hope he’d get to feel those wet lips and that quick tongue on his dick after pushing his wants and desires away of his mind for days and weeks, first not knowing the other returned his feelings at all and then out of consideration for the boy who hadn’t thought about being with boys before he had fallen for Mark.

The first lick on the tip of his penis came as a surprise even though Mark knew it was coming. His legs trembled as Jackson tried the taste of the older boy’s precome, tonguing the slit of his penis carefully. Mark’s grip on the blond’s hair shook, the pleasure overwhelming as Jackson slowly pumped his length with one hand and slipped the very tip of it between his lips.

The younger boy was progressing slowly, getting used to the feel of a dick against his tongue. He was slowly swirling his tongue around its girth, pulling the foreskin back and tonguing around it. He tried applying some suction, but couldn’t get the rhythm right and settled to moving his head instead, letting the tip almost out of his right before pressing it back in between his lips. Mark couldn't discern all of the different things Jackson was doing, the combined sensations tangling into a tangle of ecstasy. Mark tilted his head back, letting out a silent groan as Jackson sucked his dick deeper into his mouth.

Soon Jackson was moving his head in a steady rhythm, sliding Mark in and out of his mouth, careful not to take him in too deep or to nick him with his teeth, moving his hand to pump the rest of the length where he could not reach with his mouth. Mark was reduced to a mess of sounds - small whimpers, moans and gasps escaped his mouth as Jackson worked him up towards the edge. His legs were trembling, not feeling like they could hold up his weight at all but still somehow doing just so. Jackson’s fingers pinning his hip to stay still was probably what made the difference, but that didn’t change the way his legs that under normal circumstances had the strength to dance for hours and do amazing flips and jumps felt like they would give out from under him any second.

Mark felt his orgasm approach embarrassingly quickly. He tried to communicate to Jackson to slow down or get his mouth off, but he didn't know what language he was speaking in anymore and it was in vain to hope that he'd be making any coherent kind of sentences considering the state he was in. It was good Jackson understood every language he could speak on a coherent day, there was some hope he'd understand what Mark was blabbering even now.

Jackson's dark eyes flickered up for a moment to look at Mark's face from the awkward angle it was when you were down on your knees sucking someone’s dick. The sight caught the breath in Mark’s throat. Jackson’s eyes had a spark to them despite the alcohol and everything and their gaze was powerful. The moment was over quickly though and Jackson, though seemingly understanding what Mark tried to communicate, ignored his warning and kept going in the steady, moderately quick pace that was going to push Mark over the edge any moment now.

Mark's orgasm hit him like a freight train. He sobbed as Jackson pushed him over the edge, ecstasy overwhelming him as he came in the younger boy's mouth. Jackson took his orgasm like he was used to giving head to guys, swallowing around Mark's slowly softening length. Mark's hips jerked reflexively at the sensation, but the younger boy kept his hips from bucking with the one hand keeping them in place.

Mark was panting heavily as the younger boy pulled away, collecting all the escaped drops of semen from the corners of his lips and Mark's shaft with his tongue. Jackson got up from the floor, casually slipping one arm around Mark's waist again to keep him standing and tucking Mark back in with the other. The blond lazily zipped Mark’s jeans up but did not bother with the button or the belt, too much work for the fingers of just one hand. Jackson was looking really much more composed than he should be able to in this situation, a lazy smile on those lips that had been around Mark's penis just a few moments ago.

"If I had known I'd enjoy sucking dick so much I wouldn't have bothered so much trying please girls with my charms." Jackson's hand had risen from Mark's hip to stroke at his cheek and jawline, so much love in the small action. "Or then again, maybe it's just you."

Mark gave a dazed smile at Jackson's words, not eloquent enough at the moment to give any of his own. They stayed like that for a moment, Jackson leaning against Mark and holding the older boy close. They smelled of alcohol and sex, a soft sheen on Jackson’s temples tempting Mark to lick them and he was so out of it that he did, tasting the delicious and salty taste of sweat on the tip of his tongue. Jackson was rubbing small circles on Mark’s back, humming contently before moving to steal a sweet kiss from Mark’s lips. The older boy was slowly coming back to his senses after the high of his orgasm, realising quickly that he had yet to reciprocate anything that Jackson did for him. Mark blinked a few times, getting Jackson’s gently smiling face back into focus and struggling a moment with his thoughts to form a sentence.

“Um… What about you?”

Jackson’s chuckle was a soft, gentle sound, his fingers still resting on Mark’s jawline. The slightly drunken look in Jackson’s eyes did not lessen the effect his openly adoring expression had on Mark, a soft weightless feeling fluttering in his stomach.

“I enjoyed watching you writhe with pleasure and that’s enough for me for the time being. We should get back anyway. If you insist on paying back or something, I think we’ll have time for that later, so don’t worry about it.”Jackson flashed him another bright smile and stepped back, turning to the sink to wash his hands.

Mark closed his jeans with trembling hands, trying to get a grip. He tucked his hoodie back over his pants and after some fussing walked over to where Jackson was standing by the sink to check his hair in the mirror. His face was still flushed, but he could probably blame it on the alcohol, and his hair did not look to be in a bad shape, so regarding appearances he should be okay to go back to the karaoke room and pretend nothing had happened.

Something that could raise suspicion was the fact that he and Jackson had been gone simultaneously from the karaoke room for good fifteen minutes, but the others were drunk too. Jinyoung knew he and Jackson were a thing now, but none of the others had expressed any suspicion yet, so they might get away with this with minimal teasing from Jinyoung, if the singer had even noticed they were gone, because none of the others would think anything of them taking too long. Probably.

Jackson smirked at Mark through the mirror, apparently reading his thoughts again or just happening to think about the same thing at the same time.

“I’ll head back first, we might be able to not raise too much suspicion if we enter at different times, if we weren’t too obvious already when leaving.” Jackson joked, seemingly not very worried even if the others had their suspicions about them, giving Mark a quick kiss on his cheek before exiting the toilet.

Mark locked the door again after Jackson left, deciding to check his SNS on his phone to waste some time before heading back, figuring he could blame his long break in the toilet on his bad stomach and no one would question it.

He couldn’t help the silly happy smile that was still stuck on his face when he returned to the karaoke room at the memory of Jackson’s kind words and loving expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SURVIVED MY EXAM! I finished this chapter just now and wanted to post it as celebration, I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Including A into the karaoke scene was really not part of my original plan, but once I got the idea I couldn't not write it. :D
> 
> I had to raise the rating. Apparently I still can't write smut without going completely overboard with it. Sorry not sorry? Also my chapters seem to be consistently 5,000 words now instead of the original 3,000 per chapter I was trying to keep to... Whoops.
> 
> Please let me know how you liked it!
> 
> I have absolutely no buffer right now AND I'm going on vacation on Thursday so it's going to take me more than a week to finish the last chapter. Expect it in two weeks or so. I haven't started working on it yet and I have no plan regarding the plot, except more smut. Any wishes for the last Sunday morning?


	8. WEEK 4: Sunday, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ggah I'm sorry that I have to split this into two chapters. This chapter was totally getting out of hand in terms of length, but I did not want to leave you hanging for any longer, so I split it where I could.

The rest of the night had gone getting decently wasted with the other members, doing a few embarrassing karaoke performances to everyone's amusement and avoiding Jinyoung's gaze, as the singer had started staring judgmentally at Mark the minute he walked back into the karaoke room. The singer did not make a show of it though, so most likely Mark was up for a long motherly talk slash scolding on the next opportune moment. Mark didn't care. He was drunk and happy, and squished against Jackson's side for the most of the evening. What was happening the day after was not the concern of Drunk Mark, it was for Sober Mark to solve and endure in hangover mode. No need to worry about it beforehand.

They had gotten back to the dorm with the other guys, getting some takeout on the way home to eat on the kitchen counter as they joked and chattered in a drunken manner. Mark was in a giggly drunk state, not really contributing to the conversation, but laughing in equal measures at all of the jokes the other members told. Jinyoung had given Mark's ribs a meaningful jab, indicating Mark was not off the hook for their inevitable talk, but Mark was Drunk Mark right now, so he gave Jinyoung a drunk silly smile and prodded his hand away, not worrying about possible rebuttal.

When everyone had finally decided to retire for the night, Mark had sneaked himself to sleep half on top of Jackson on the younger boy’s mattress and would not budge despite Jackson’s weak attempts at resistance. Not that Jackson was really protesting, his weak attempts of getting the mattress all for himself quickly ended when Mark kissed him into silence. Neither of them had had enough sense to for example move Mark’s mattress to lay next to Jackson’s so they could have slept together comfortably, nope, they were drunk and that kind of thinking would have required more brainpower than either of them had available at that moment. This meant they spent the entire night squeezed into a small space where only one of them could lay on their back or front at a time and the other would have to be on their side to accommodate both of them on the narrow mattress.

Usually Mark woke earlier than most of the group on mornings when they had been out drinking, but that was apparently not the case this time. He awoke late in the day in a tangle of limbs on Jackson’s bed to Yugyeom knocking on their door and announcing that breakfast was served in the kitchen. Jackson barely stirred, bringing one arm to cover his eyes and muttering curses in Mandarin that were to indicate he still wanted to sleep. Mark answered with an almost reflexive thanks before he even opened his eyes and tried to figure out what year it was and what had happened. He had a splitting headache and he was squished between the wall and Jackson on Jackson’s mattress, half of his body resting in air as the mattress had moved several centimeters away from the wall most likely because of them rolling and pushing around in the bed during the night. Mark’s neck was sore from sleeping on his side the whole night on a pillow that was not meant for that and he felt like he was soaking in sweat due to the combination of hangover shivers and the close proximity to a heater of a person for the whole night.

He laid a while where he was, wishing his headache away, half draped over the younger boy with his right thigh resting on Jackson’s, his arm draped over the others chest and head resting in the crook of Jackson’s shoulder and chest. He could hear Jackson’s heartbeat from where his ear laid on his clothed chest and the slow, even beat made him feel calm and safe despite it matching the pulsing regret of a few too many shots of soju that was pounding in his head. His mouth tasted foul. Mark tried to clean his teeth a bit by rubbing his tongue over them, but it helped very little. He would have to get up to at least grab a painkiller and go pee if he didn’t fall asleep very soon, and that didn’t seem very likely. He was too aware of his surroundings and his body to manage to fall back asleep right away. Despite his stomach churning with slight nausea, his head hurting and mouth tasting foul, he felt happy, pressed against Jackson’s side like this. They hadn’t slept together before like this, not as two people who liked each other as more than friends. Sure, they had shared a bed some nights during their trainee times, but it was obvious why those times didn’t count. He did feel like shit physically, but this moment was precious and he would savour it even though it included the discomfort of a hellish hangover.

After a few minutes of just laying there, listening to Jackson's heartbeat and breathing, Mark decided to finally get up. He would most likely have the opportunity to enjoy Jackson laying in bed next to him later today, but if he wanted to get the most out of it he'd have to fix his hangover first and force the younger boy to do the same. Getting up wasn't going to be simple though it was necessary, as he had little room to move and would have to be careful not to crush any part of Jackson's body while struggling up, plus his nausea might get worse when he was sitting up, it usually did. Mark sighed and braced himself, pushing his upper body up on his elbow and clumsily climbing over Jackson's body to the floor beside the mattress. He propped himself up slowly to a sitting position on the cold floor, staying there a moment to still his nausea and to watch how Jackson's eyelashes framed his closed eyes in an entrancing way. The younger boy turned onto his side where Mark just laid a second ago, chasing the warmth. It made Mark's heart thump a little louder to see the other instinctively miss his presence.

Damn, he really loved Jackson.

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The others had made a great life choices regarding hangover food and ordered pizza for everyone. It was known that Jaebum disliked western food, but sometimes the leader made concessions like these to please the other members after they had done well. Mark loved pizza, and so did Jackson, so they would have to express extra gratefulness to the leader before the day was done. After washing up and drinking what felt like a liter of water with his painkiller Mark joined the others in their living room, settling onto the couch next to Jaebum and grabbing a pizza box from him gratefully. Youngjae was arguing with Bambam and Yugyeom about what movie they should pick next, making an unnecessary amount of noise while doing so and Mark winced, asking in a small voice the younger ones to be quieter. He only got more and higher noise as an answer, the maknaes making fun of his hangover until Jaebum told them to respect their elders and shut up, overruling them and choosing the spy action movie over the sci-fi action one.

Mark curled up to Jaebum's side, thanking the leader with a small smile. The leader ruffled the older boy’s hair in a friendly manner, continuing their non-verbal communication by reassuring through the friendly touch that Jaebum would have Mark’s back. Mark endured the ruffling and allowed Jaebum to put an arm on the backrest behind Mark to signal to all the members that the leader was on the side of the oldest member right now and the others should behave accordingly.

Yugyeom was not one to be intimidated by the leader and climbed up on the sofa to boldly steal some space from Mark’s lap, forcing the eldest to hold his pizza box in the air instead of having it in his lap. Mark didn’t mind, Yugyeom was being cute. It was worth a bit of suffering.

While Bambam was shuffling the DVD into the player, Jinyoung appeared from nowhere and gave Mark a meaningful look before settling onto the other edge of the sofa with Youngjae. Jinyoung’s stare meant that the second Mark gave him an opening, the singer would take his chance to corner the older boy and get some answers to questions Mark did not want to think about. He was safe for now, watching Tom Cruise outwit some bad guys and climb some buildings, and he had food, so he was doing okay. Sober Mark was dealing with consequences by avoiding them until the last possible moment, and that was totally a valid strategy. He could always hope Jinyoung would forget about it, though that was unlikely to happen at this point. If there was something Mark was good at, it was convincing himself of his own lies to be able to ignore issues for some time.

About two thirds into the movie Mark got thirsty and needed to pee again, so he risked getting up, ending up giving Jinyoung the window the singer had waited for. When Mark exited their common room toilet after relieving himself, Jinyoung was there, cornering him and forcing Mark with a pointed glare into the kitchen. Mark tried some half-hearted mutters about missing critical parts of the movie, but Jinyoung would have none of it.

“Do you have anything you’d like to tell me?” Jinyoung spoke in a lowered voice. Despite the words being polite and seemingly giving Mark an option to not say anything, the older boy knew that was not the case. Jinyoung definitely knew that something was up and would not take no for an answer.

Mark turned to get himself a glass of water to stall answering Jinyoung’s question, but in the end the matter was not that complicated at all. He took a long gulp of water before answering in the same hushed tone, looking his friend earnestly in the eyes, the way he deserved.

“Jackson confessed that he loves me.”

Jinyoung nodded with a neutral, serious expression on his face, before his eyes softened and he gave Mark a smile, stepping close to rest a hand on Mark’s arm above his elbow.

“I’m happy for you, I wouldn’t have thought that this would turn out so well, but I’m glad it did. However because this has implications for everyone I’m going to have to be a spoilsport and ask questions like have you talked about what you are going to do?” Mark shook his head and Jinyoung nodded before continuing.

“If you want to start pursuing a relationship it will have to be done seriously, as it’s a risk for the group. If you want to start something in earnest, we have to talk with Jaebum-hyung and the manager about it, and probably also with the rest of the group... The fans obviously can’t find out, but that you know and normal things won’t look any different from regular skinship anyway. Just don’t kiss in public on lips or walk hand in hand and you should be okay. The problem is that we don’t want to risk the group, so we’ll have to figure out how to handle the case if you break-up, because you would have to be professional about it. Our contract’s don’t allow relationships to come before the job, so that’s that. Could you handle it?”

Mark put his glass of water down on the counter and laid a hand on Jinyoung’s hand, rubbing the skin in a comforting manner. He knew the younger boy cared for them a lot and because of that he worried that they would get themselves or the other members hurt. He was only trying to help all of them by being a realist about this. There was no way Mark would get offended about Jinyoung’s words, as he did not say them to hurt, but to make sure he considered things carefully before making a decision that influenced all of the members. Mark flipped his hair out of his eyes and licked his lips quickly before answering.

“I can’t say what will happen and I will have to talk with Jackson about this, but I know that I love him, and that I want to be with him if that is what he also wants. I think we are both adults and professionals and could handle a possible break-up in a way that it’s not revealed to the fans as more than a bit of a falling out. But we’ll have to talk about this more if we decide we want to give this a try.”

Jinyoung nodded again, smiling at Mark in a way that was intended to inspire confidence that somehow, things were going to be alright. And it did, at least a little bit. Mark smiled back, glad to have his friend support him though this was not the simplest of things.

“I’ll have a talk with Jackson too before taking this up with anyone else, but you two get yourselves sorted out first. Let me know how it goes, okay? I appreciate that you have trusted me with this.”

Jinyoung pulled Mark into a warm hug, communicating his sincerity and happiness for the older boy’s sake with his words and his actions, making Mark feel warm on the inside and a bit prickly in the corners of his eyes. He nodded against Jinyoung’s shoulder, blinking rapidly to keep any tears from forming. He felt blessed having such a true friend in Jinyoung. He was so lucky to have ended up in an idol group where he would find this many awesome people that would grow to be such good friends for him. He would do his best to be worth all of their love and trust, now and forever.

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While he and Jinyoung had had a heart-to-heart in the kitchen Jackson had managed to crawl out of his bed, conquering what had previously been Mark's place on the sofa on the leader's side. The younger rapper was using puppy eyes and whining to get Jaebum to feed him pizza and to rub his back. Jackson was pulling all the right strings, using Jaebum’s honor as a hyung against him. Mark couldn't help the fond smile that crept on his face at the sight, content to sit elsewhere and watch Jackson work Jaebum over. He picked up his pizza box from Yugyeom and sat in the taller boy's lap, using the maknae as a backrest as compensation for serving as a pillow earlier.

They were all so comfortable with one another. Despite having petty fights pretty much every other week, they always returned to this state of ease with one another. Having a relationship with Jackson was what Mark wanted, but he did not want it to disturb this balance they had in their group. No matter what, they would still have to be like this, close to everyone and not just one another, spending time with the seven of them when their schedules permitted it. It was important for their dynamic as an idol group that they worked through their problems and were at ease with one another, and this good situation they had now had taken a lot of time and effort from everyone to form. It was not okay for Mark and Jackson to break it because of a relationship they went too quick into, without thinking about it or its consequences. They had to talk about it. They had to communicate through it, so that even if they wouldn't see eye to eye, they would solve their issues, and if they couldn't, they would be adults about it and end it in a good tone, without ruining the group dynamic.

Mark glanced sideways up at where Jackson was laying half in Jaebum's lap. He felt scarily hopeful about this, like they surely would be able to overcome their differences and uphold whatever became of their personal relationship. They knew enough not to be unnecessarily jealous of the friendships they had, they should be mature and self confident enough to understand the difference between friends and something more. It was just up to what they wanted from this relationship and whether they would go forward with it now, or whether they would decide that they would focus on their career now and their personal more-than-friends relationship later. There were many options they would have to at least consider, happily ever after was not something that was guaranteed or granted after telling someone you loved them and finding out they loved you back.

The movie ended pretty soon and the members shuffled around, Jackson escaping into the shower, the youngsters insisting on playing Mario Kart and Jaebum and Jinyoung pretending to be the tired parents of five preschool kids they sometimes claimed they were, laying half asleep on the couch, heads resting on shoulders and small grumbles about noisy kids on their lips.

Mark got up from the couch to clean up the empty pizza boxes and to place whatever leftovers into their fridge. He was trying to busy himself before he'd retreat to his and Jackson's room to wait for the younger boy to get out of the shower so they could talk. Mark noticed his hands were shaking, but he couldn't tell if it was the slowly decreasing hangover or his increasing nervousness. Despite having reasoned this situation already, he still felt anxious. Mark excused himself from the company of the other members, pacing around the little floor space they had in their room while going over different ways he could start to go over the things he needed to talk about with Jackson. He was in the middle of rubbing his face in his hands and taking another round of paces around the floor when Jackson entered their room wearing only a towel and clutching his dirty clothes to his chest. Startled, Mark tried to play it cool by plopping down on his bed, but ended up stumbling and falling over with a disgraceful yelp. Jackson burst into laughter and almost dropped his clothes and his towel.

Mark felt his cheeks grow hot in embarrassment and felt that burying his face in the blankets was a completely appropriate reaction in the situation. Jackson wheezed between strings of hyena-like laughter, before his laugh finally calmed down into soft chuckles. Mark felt the mattress dip under Jackson's weight as the younger boy sat down next to him. A damp and warm hand came to rest on Mark's shoulder that was only partly covered by the sleeveless pink top he was wearing.

"You're cute."

Jackson's comment did not help at all with Mark's embarrassment and the older boy groaned loudly to let his annoyance at the term show. Jackson just laughed some more, clearly enjoying himself on Mark's expense.

"Don't worry, I'm not telling anyone."

Jackson's voice had a happy tone to it and Mark couldn't pretend to be angry any longer, lifting his face up, lips forming a resolute pout as he faced Jackson straight on. At least his clumsiness had resolved his nervousness. He had things he needed to say, so he should just get this over with before he could get anxious again.

Okay. Worst things first.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Jackson's face went blank at the sudden admission and he blinked a few times in rapid succession before a slow, silly smile started to spread on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but Mark was on a roll now, the words bubbling out of his chest.

"I love you, and I want to be in a serious relationship with you. I wouldn't want to rush you into an answer, but because what we do affects the whole group, we need to talk about where we want to go with this. Whatever we do or have can't come before or between us and the group. If you think you'd maybe want to be with me for a long time, we have to take this up with our manager and the others, and I don't think this whole thing is going to be easy, because we can't do anything that’s more than friendly or fanservice-y in public, but if you just--"

Jackson broke Mark's slightly panicking ramble off with a finger placed on the older boy's lips. The smile Jackson wore was soft and in a kind of confusing way both sad and happy at the same time.

"I have been in love with you longer than I probably should admit. I didn't know what it was first, I had never liked a guy before, I liked everything about girls, but I just couldn't help but notice you already when we were trainees and we were both so awkward… During the time after our debut I finally understood that I liked you in a different way than anyone else, and seeing you really growing into this horribly beautiful man who can charm the hearts of men and women… It was painful. Your eyes weren't on me, not like that. So I kept up the pretense that was my love life when I couldn't have you.”

Jackson's hand had risen up to cup Mark's face like the older was something exceptionally precious. The older boy brushed his thumb against the corner of Mark's lips in a loving manner before continuing with his admission.

“It was insane of me to take you up on the offer to make out, but I felt like I should take the one chance when you handed it to me on a silver platter… But it only proved what I already knew, that I'm helplessly in love with you.”

Jackson stroked Mark's face gently, his dark eyes glossing over with feelings brimming into tears that did not fall on his cheeks yet. Mark's heart clenched. He had never realised that Jackson liked him that way before Jackson admitted it to him last weekend. Things made more sense now with this revelation, the way Jackson had usually turned away when Mark made out with some guy while drunk that Mark had always thought Jackson did out of disgust. That had not been the case. Jackson had been jealous and hurt and turned away or avoided Mark to conceal that he cared too much about Mark's drunken habit of kissing strangers. Mark bit on his bottom lip, feeling bad for the younger boy who had hidden how he felt for so long before Mark even realised that he maybe wanted to be with Jackson.

“You don't need to ask me if I'm sure I want to be with you. I've wanted to be with you for years now and I will do my absolute best to ensure we don't fuck this up, or harm the band even if we do. I'm the one who should ask if you're sure, but even if you aren't I'm willing to try and convince you. I think we’d be a hot couple.” Jackson chuckled a little at his own clever choice of words and Mark hit him on his bare shoulder playfully, smiling again, which was probably what Jackson was trying to achieve with the wordplay.

“I'm going to kiss you now.”

That was all Mark needed to say right now. He didn't feel uncertain about what would happen to them anymore. Jackson had convinced him that he needn't be afraid of the younger boy to be wavering in his feelings, and Mark felt overflowing love for the Hong Kong native who was gracing him with the most beautiful loving smile. They would be alright somehow. Mark slipped one hand behind Jackson's head into his damp hair and pulled him close, catching those grinning lips into a passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand then comes the smut. Which is in the next chapter. Sorry.
> 
> In last two weeks I have written 7,000 words for the last Sunday of this fic, with no end in sight. I had to split this, because the whole thing would have taken me several days more and I wanted to deliver something within the two weeks I promised.
> 
> I have 3,000 words of smut already prepared for the finale, and I'm not even done with that yet... It's going to be good. Or at least realistic and awkward.
> 
> I'll get the rest of this Sunday to you within a week. I want to wrap everything up properly.


	9. WEEK 4: Sunday, Part 2

Their kiss grew heated very quickly, Jackson’s clothes lying forgotten on the floor beside the mattress. Mark felt so glad he could cry. He ran his hands on the muscles on Jackson’s sides, turning to lay the younger boy down on the mattress so he could kiss and enjoy him through the tears that were almost falling. Jackson’s mouth tasted of toothpaste. Their tongues slid together, battling just for the fun of it, mapping each others mouths out as they slotted themselves together. The smell of Jackson’s shower gel was very strong right after the shower he had just taken.

Jackson was hiking Mark’s t-shirt up, trailing his hands up the older boy’s spine and back down again, resting on the waistline of Mark’s sweatpants comfortably, holding him close but not yet pressing their crotches together. He seemed content to let Mark have the reassurance he needed in form of physical closeness right now without initiating anything further… yet. But Mark had other ideas, and they were more of the “now”-type.

Mark started kissing his way down Jackson’s jawline, licking some wayward leftover water drops from the blond’s damp skin. Jackson made small humming sounds of appreciation, making it clear he enjoyed the way the older boy was exploring his almost naked body with his mouth. Mark pressed a few slightly sucking kisses on the younger boy’s neck, grazing his teeth there gently, with no intention of leaving any marks. Jackson had moved to pull on Mark’s top more insistently and the older boy had to sit up for a moment to take it off like the younger boy clearly wanted.

Jackson hummed again and Mark could feel the vibrations of his voice on the skin of his throat, where Mark was gently nipping his way down to Jackson’s collarbones. He licked and sucked his way around the defined collarbones before rising again to nip at the younger boy’s lips a little less than gently. Mark felt very much out of breath, but there were still some things that were better if he voiced them aloud now instead of making assumptions moving onward, so he took a few breaths before voicing his worries out loud.

“Um, I know you said you were willing last night, but we were drunk and I want you to know that we’re in no rush moving forward… I just, it’d be good for me to know how far you feel okay to go at this point? I’m guessing this kind of foreplay is just fine and probably also handjobs and blowjobs as they don’t really differ from girls to guys… But um, you know, yeah.”

Jackson’s laugh was light and airy and he raised one hand to ruffle Mark’s hair fondly.

“Don’t worry, I’ve done my research. And I would like to have sex with you if you also want that, just um… If it’s alright for you, I’d maybe want to, um, top, for at least the first few times, not that I wouldn’t bottom for you it’s just, uhh, really not something I have experience with so we’d um, need to have like a workshop or something where you guide me through it.”

Mark nodded at Jackson’s words. He gave a small smile to Jackson, who was looking at him warily, clearly afraid of a negative reaction. He need not be, Mark was more versed in these things and he would not take offense about Jackson’s inexperience and wanting to go with what was more familiar to him for the time being.

“That’s completely alright, I was going to suggest that in any case, and I like bottoming anyway so there’s no need for you to rush into it, we’ll have plenty of time to experiment and learn later.”

The smile that crept on Jackson’s face at Mark’s words was stunning. Mark really wanted the ability to take pictures with his eyes right now, he wanted to forever save this image of Jackson lying beneath him on a mattress, smiling up at Mark like he was an angel who just descended from heavens and gave him everything he ever wanted. It was amazing. Mark felt so precious to be on the receiving end of a smile like that.

Mark also felt the need to take responsibility and initiative in this situation. Jackson didn’t know about how to do this exactly, so it was safe to assume he’d expect and want Mark to lead at least on the practicalities, and those were best to get over with at this stage where neither of them was going crazy with want yet.

“Um, just in case we want to do something more now, we should have lube at the ready, condoms too, unless you’ve only had safe sex since your last STD check.”

If Mark was a bit nervous bringing this topic up now despite its necessity, it seemed Jackson was even more embarrassed talking about this. The younger boy blushed a bit, looking away from Mark and muttering something unintelligent while the older boy moved to get up from where he had been pretty much sitting on top of Jackson.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t make out what you said?”

Mark went to rummage the drawer where he used to keep a small bottle of lube as he might still have something left in it, turning his back to Jackson for a moment in the process.

“I haven’t really gotten any since the last STD tests…”

Mark couldn’t help his initial reaction of turning to raise his eyebrows at the younger boy, but he made no other comment on the subject than a quick okay to indicate he had heard Jackson this time. Grabbing the bottle of lube he found in the drawer, Mark went back to sit next to the embarrassed and pink-flushing Jackson on the mattress. There was clearly something very interesting on the other side of the room as Jackson refused to lift his gaze back to the older boy. Mark didn’t resist the urge to pinch Jackson’s cheek to get his attention back to himself.

“That’s just dandy, ‘cause I don’t have any condoms here.”

He was trying to be reassuring, trying to let Jackson know that this really was not a question of manly honor and who had gotten laid and when, since this was about the two of them now. Jackson pondered Mark’s words with arms crossed on his chest, chewing on his bottom lip until he finally turned his head to face the other boy again. His lips were pursed in determination and Mark knew he was going to say something embarrassing or overwhelming to get back on Mark for making him feel self-conscious.

“I didn’t want anyone who wasn’t you.”

Yup, that definitely worked. Mark felt himself blushing a hot red and his heart taking a small leap at Jackson’s words. He felt kind of bad, knowing Jackson had been waiting on him, having to see Mark go at other people, but it was also a good feeling, knowing Jackson was this devoted to him. It felt weird, but good. Mark was nervous of fucking this up.

But this was how it was. This was what it was supposed to be like. They were supposed to talk about this, and it was okay for it to be a bit awkward. Most of the awkwardness would be forgotten soon anyway once they got more into the mood.

Mark set the lube down next to the mattress where he figured they would be able to easily find it once they had a need for it. He was at this awkward preparing for sex -stage anyway, so it felt like a good idea to remove his sweatpants and his socks while he was at it to make things easier for them later on. Throwing his clothes to the other side of the room, Mark lowered himself back down onto the mattress where Jackson was still laying, pouting up at the older boy. Mark placed a peck on those protruding pouty lips as he settled to lay down next to Jackson, propping his face on one elbow to keep a watch on Jackson's expressions.

Jackson was clearly trying to get over his embarrassment, unfolding his hands from his torso and turning onto his side to face Mark better. He gently laid one hand on the small of Mark's waist, fingers warm against the older boy’s skin. Mark smiled softly before lowering his gaze in a shy gesture. He mulled over the words he wanted to say, knowing he should let his vulnerability show to make Jackson feel more comfortable. The words sounded cliché in his own mind, but they felt necessary.

“I hope I can be worth the wait…” There was a slight tremor to Mark’s voice, but he hoped Jackson wouldn’t notice.

The hand at Mark's waist disappeared before reappearing under Mark's chin, lifting his gaze back to Jackson's eyes.

“You are already.”

Jackson knew how to say just the right things. Mark bit his bottom lip. His heart felt like it was overwhelming with affection for this man. And then Jackson was kissing him again, one strong thigh slipping from underneath Jackson's barely hanging on towel to lightly rest on Mark's legs, angling their bodies closer to one another. Jackson’s hand appeared at Mark’s waist, this time taking a firm hold of the older boy and pulling him closer. After a bit of fumbling and trying to find a good position Jackson was on his back again with Mark draped partly over his side, one slim thigh resting on the top of Jackson’s where his towel was pushed up.

It was awkward at first, trying to fit limbs into comfortable places and finding the right amount of pressure to their touch, but they were starting to find a rhythm and a way. Mark had moved his upper body a bit more on top of Jackson to enable them slide their mouths better together, tongues running over lips and teeth catching a nip here and there. Their breathing was getting heavier as they both got more into the kiss, forgetting their self-consciousness in the heat of the moment.

Mark ran a hand slowly down Jackson's chest, taking care to ghost his fingertips gently over both of the nipples before tracing the trail of hair down to tease the muscles of Jackson’s lower abdomen with fleeting touches. In the meanwhile Jackson was getting bolder by the minute. His one arm that was trapped beneath Mark was resting against the older boy's back, pressing him closer, while the other was feeling its way around on the older boy’s taut chest, teasing the one nipple not pressed into Jackson's side into hardness.

Mark drew a shaky breath as Jackson moved his free hand down to the waistband of Mark's boxers, fingers tracing the outline of the older boy’s semi hard dick before fitting a palm on it. Encouraged by Mark's reaction Jackson turned a bit more to his side, creating a slight distance between their bodies, gaining better access to Mark's crotch in the process. Jackson snatched Mark's lower lip between his teeth and sucked on it gently while palming Mark through the boxers, making the older boy wriggle slightly before giving in and pressing into Jackson's hand. A small whine escaped from between Mark’s open lips.

“Shit, you are hot like this. I wanna make you writhe and make more needy sounds like that.”

Jackson's voice was lower than usual. When Mark opened his eyes to look at the younger boy, he saw how wanton Jackson looked with his pupils blown with lust and lips kissed red, and damn it was hot. The sight and the words sent a flood of heat straight into his lower abdomen, making his erection throb in his boxers against Jackson's palm. Mark worried his bottom lip with his teeth, not knowing how else to react to the words but to rest his forehead against Jackson's and taking hold of Jackson's muscular shoulder to keep himself grounded.

Jackson changed their positions again, this time making Mark lay down on his back so Jackson had his opportunity to slip his fingers beneath the line of Mark's underwear. He didn’t hesitate to take Mark's dick in a loose grip, coaxing it with no problem into full hardness, nipping and sucking on the older boy’s throat close to his ear while at it. Mark was gripping Jackson's shoulder with the one hand, more small sounds of pleasure escaping his lips as Jackson gently bit and sucked on his earlobe and tightened his grip on Mark's hard-on.

His boxers were starting to get in the way, so Mark lifted his hips to allow Jackson rid him of his last garment. As compensation Mark finally opened Jackson's towel, propping his upper body up a little bit so he could have a look at Jackson's dick for the first time in these kinds of circumstances.

Jackson's dick curved over his stomach in a nice, moderate arc, the tip an angry red and leaking precum on Jackson's lower abdomen to the side he was laying on. He was well-endowed enough to make Mark's insides clench in anticipation and apprehension, and more than a lot of things Mark wanted to have his mouth on Jackson's dick, but he should start of easier for the younger boy's sake. Mark threw a quick glance to the younger boy’s face to check his expression, but seeing no apprehension or nervousness, Mark took Jackson's dick in one hand, giving it a few languid strokes and admiring its feel in his hand.

After a minute or so of Mark familiarizing himself with the feel of Jackson's dick the younger boy was getting visibly more horny and anxious for more, so it wasn't really such a big surprise when Jackson moved so that he was perched on his hands above the older boy, one knee resting between Mark's thighs.

“What do I need to do to prepare you?”

Mark loved how Jackson's voice had gotten even more gravelly and husky. He also really enjoyed having Jackson looking down on him like he would like to just ravish him there and then, but knowing at the same time Jackson wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

“Get some lube and start feeling your way around, if it doesn't weird you out you could start with a finger or two, you know…”

Mark didn't feel like finishing his sentence so he left it just hanging, raising one hand to trace the muscles on Jackson's back in a reassuring way. They had no hurry. There was always a pressure to perform well in sexual situations, but they had known each other for long enough and had had enough awkward situations to survive a little bit of weirdness in favor of communicating properly and making this better for both of them.

Jackson fumbled to grab the bottle of lube, not wanting to move away from top of Mark, but ended up having to sit up to straddle one of Mark’s thighs to reach the bottle. The younger boy squeezed some lube from the bottle onto his fingers, rubbing them together to make the lube warm up a little bit in preparation. Mark bit his lip again, feeling slightly anxious despite having been bottoming several times before. He lifted up his free leg to bend his knee and give Jackson better access.

Jackson seemed determined to get over this awkward phase and into the right mood. He lowered his upper body back to hover over Mark’s, balancing his weight on his left hand while his right found its way back to Mark’s cock. He gave it a few slow, lube-slickened strokes before tracing its length down to the balls, fondling them gently, making the older boy mewl in a very undignified way.

Jackson’s slow pace of moving downward felt like teasing, but was probably only uncertainty in the face of trying something out that he had never tried at least on another person, so Mark should probably cut him some slack. It didn't even take that long before one of Jackson's fingers was tracing the rim of Mark’s entrance, spreading lube all over. Mark's breath hitched as Jackson tentatively slipped the tip of one finger inside and back out again. The younger boy was experimenting, trying to see what this was like. When Mark made a small needy whine, the younger boy got bolder and slipped his whole finger gradually inside, getting a small sound of pleasure as reward for each knuckle.

The feeling of stretching was never anything special, but being entered by a finger or just anything felt pleasurable, if it was done so that it didn't hurt like hell of course. Mark had done this before so he knew to relax his muscles, allowing Jackson to pump his finger slowly in and out, teasing his entrance before reinserting the one finger each time. Mark was trying to not writhe too much beneath Jackson, but it was getting difficult to control himself. He was slowly getting very needy, his dick leaking precome onto his stomach as Jackson wriggled a finger inside Mark, the kind of weird feeling sensation turned good by the constant movement Jackson was doing. He had changed to a bigger finger at some point, Mark couldn't really say exactly when, he had been too busy concentrating on the younger boy sucking on his bottom lip and teasing the rim of his hole to care.

The second and third finger had Mark trembling beneath Jackson. The younger boy had found the right way to curl his fingers to get Mark to shudder beneath him. Even though the younger boy was not quite reaching Mark’s prostate, it was close enough to make concentrating on anything completely impossible. The pleasure was a hint of how amazing it would feel to have Jackson actually inside him. It was agonizing.

“Please… I'm ready… Come on.”

Mark was too horny to care he was begging and that it was obvious he was needy from the low and husky tone of his voice. Jackson's smirk at the pleading words was pure sex, a very self-satisfied expression on his face and an aroused look in his eyes as he stared down at the older boy. Jackson removed his torturous fingers from Mark's asshole, causing it to clench in loss. Mark whimpered and prodded the younger boy to move away from on top of him. He was barely thinking, but his last thought capacity was spent on the thought that this was Jackson's first time with a guy and it'd be easier with Mark setting the pace at first.

Jackson followed Mark's non-verbal guidance easily enough, settling down on his back while Mark moved to climb on top of him, straddling the tops of the younger boy's thighs. He reached for the lube, applying ludicrous amounts of it on his right palm before tossing the bottle off again. There was no such thing as too much lube when doing anal. Mark took Jackson into his hand, coating his length with the lube, stroking a few times more than was necessary to spread the lube to get Jackson’s eyes close momentarily in pleasure as his cock got attention again.

Mark moved to lean on one hand above Jackson’s body, curling his back a bit to get himself into a position where he could align himself with Jackson's cock. He watched Jackson biting on his bottom lip in a nervous habit. Mark did not fighting the urge to give the tortured bottom lip a quick lick as he guided the tip of Jackson's dick to his entrance. Anything to make both of them more comfortable. While Jackson was distracted by Mark's lips on his own, the older boy found his entrance and let out a small breath as he rubbed the younger boy's dick on his slick and needy rim.

Mark took a steadying breath before he started to lower himself onto Jackson, the feeling of being entered by Jackson's dick even better than he could have anticipated. They had prepared him well, but it was still an adjustment, so he had to go slow. He closed his eyes to be better able to focus on his breathing. Jackson was cursing in mandarin, trembling a little in effort to not move so he would let Mark set the pace. Mark was pressing his teeth together, keeping his breathing calm as he lowered himself slowly in a wet slide, straightening his back so he was moving into a sitting position as he lowered himself to accommodate Jackson better. The slow burn of stretched muscles was on the edge of pain and pleasure, tempting him to just get it over with, but he knew he'd enjoy himself more if he just went slow for now.

When he had finally gotten Jackson in to the hilt he slumped a little, letting his weight rest on the younger boy's hips. The feeling of being filled was on the verge of being too much and he knew he'd have to start moving soon to not want to back out from this. He opened his eyes as he heard Jackson moan softly, wanting to take in the sight now that he had Jackson where he wanted him.

Jackson laid there below him, sweat sheening on his chest that rose and fell in a quickened pace, fingers grasping at the sheets next to Mark’s thighs to control himself. Jackson’s lips were swollen red and the younger boy was worrying his lower lip still, eyes squeezed shut, face distorted with pleasure. Mark let out a small breath of adoration at the sight in front of him. He never thought he would get to see Jackson like this.

Mark had apparently been staring for a long enough time to get Jackson to wonder what was happening, because the younger boy opened his dark almond-shaped eyes to look up at Mark, a question in his lust-filled eyes. Mark’s smile was the answer, and the older boy gently grabbed Jackson’s hands to guide them to frame his hips, before settling his own hands on Jackson’s chest to balance himself as he finally began to move.

The first roll of Mark's hips had Jackson moaning louder and breathier than before. The younger boy’s hands were gripping Mark’s hips tightly, but he was not trying to stop or guide Mark to do anything. He only to keep hold of the only thing that existed for the two of them in that moment: each other. Mark continued to roll his hips against Jackson’s in a moderate pace, getting used to the feeling of Jackson’s dick moving inside him. It felt like a relief to have Jackson finally inside him and the pain caused by the stretching was slowly lessening, giving him a better chance to appreciate the pleasure of being filled.

After a moment of having Mark just move over him Jackson began to try and match the movements, tilting his hips a little in the rhythm Mark had set to make the movement more pleasurable for Mark. Sex was usually best when both parties were moving, and the tilt of Jackson’s hips made him press against Mark's walls in a better angle. Mark let out a small mewl as he lowered his head in pleasure, nails digging into the skin of Jackson’s chest for a moment before easing up again. Jackson seemed to be encouraged by the sound Mark made and started to guide Mark’s hips with his hands a little, trying to get the angle even better for the older boy.

Mark couldn’t help the small sounds that were escaping his lips in small pants and quiet moans. He was focusing on keeping his hips moving, lifting them in the way Jackson was guiding him to, his body jerking every now and then the angle got just a bit better. Jackson was not brushing against his prostate yet, but it was close enough to drive Mark crazy. Mark was pretty sure if Jackson would start to actually hit his prostate the older boy would not be able to keep up the movement of his hips. His thighs were trembling already from the exercise and the pleasure the slide of Jackson’s cock gave him.

Mark leaned a bit forward to grab Jackson's muscular shoulders and to change the roll of his hips into more of a lift, getting a loud, breathy moan from Jackson as a reward. Mark knew from experience that the lift of hips felt better for the person with the dick in the other person, but the roll of hips was easier to do and it has a better chance of finding the right angle to hit the prostate. But Mark was trying to ease the pleasure for him a little as the sensation was getting overwhelming, and this was a good way to do it. If it increased the amount of pleasure Jackson was feeling right now, that was just a bonus. The slide was delicious, but Jackson's dick didn't brush as close to the older boy's prostate like this, so he was able to cease the obscene noises he was making and focus on the pleasure he was giving Jackson instead.

And Jackson was apparently enjoying himself thoroughly. His face was distorted in pleasure and he was groaning with every other move Mark made, hips stuttering up to meet Mark's as they moved. He was sweating a lot, the sweat glistening on his skin. Mark wanted to lick it off. He couldn't do that and continue with the movement though, so he made a note in his scrambled mind to taste Jackson's skin later. Not that he'd be likely to remember it.

Mark's legs were growing tired from lifting his hips, so he stilled, sitting on Jackson's hips with the younger boy's dick up to the hilt in his ass, waiting for the blond to open his eyes. Mark leant close to Jackson's face, kissing the younger boy's bottom lip as he opened his eyes.

“I'm tired. You move.”

There was absolutely no need for fancy words during sex. Jackson just nodded and assisted Mark in lifting his hips up a little into such an angle that Jackson could do the moving beneath him and Mark could be mainly still with most of his body weight resting comfortably on his own thighs and elbows. Mark curled his back in a way that allowed for Jackson to move in a pleasurable way within him by lifting his hips.

Jackson's position enabled him to set a much quicker pace than what Mark had set before with much less effort than what Mark would have had to put into keeping up such a fast rhythm. Mark let out a long moan as Jackson set his punishing pace that left absolutely no possibility for Mark to not be overwhelmed by pleasure. The older boy mouthed at the neck of the younger, wanting something else for his mouth to do than to let out these noises. Jackson's breathing was quick underneath him, the younger boy shifting his hips every now and then to try and find the exact position to drive the older one completely insane.

Mark's hips jerked as Jackson finally found the right angle to press into him. A garbled sound that might have been Jackson's name or a curse left the older boy's lips as he buried his forehead into Jackson's shoulder, his whole body shaking from the assault of pleasure. Jackson let out a pleased laugh that rumbled in his chest nicely as he tried to angle Mark's hips into the perfect angle again, wanting to give Mark the torture that was the amount of pleasure Jackson's dick against his prostate gave him. Mark squirmed a little in protest, not wanting to totally lose his senses already, but Jackson was determined, pulling Mark to meet the movement of his hips and making the older boy shout out again as his prostate was hit dead on.

It was just desperate rutting after that, both of the boys moving their bodies in a quick rhythm to get release from the torturous pleasure. Obscene wet sounds and low moans filled their dorm room. Jackson was determined to give Mark fulfillment first, if for no other reason then at least because he could just hibernate after coming if he got the older boy off first. The younger boy managed to free one of his hands to take firm hold of Mark's leaking cock that was pretty much trapped between their bodies, allowing the movement of their hips do the actual work of getting the older boy off. And that didn't take long. Mark sobbed, coming on both of their stomachs with just a few jabs of their hips.

Jackson followed soon after, coming with a grunt deep into Mark. Their bodies relaxed as they slumped against each other, both of them a sweaty mess. Mark felt overheated, but did not want to move yet as that would make Jackson slip out of him and Mark didn't feel like leaking semen out of his ass all over the place, it was an icky feeling. They already had semen drying on their stomachs, there was no need to get it everywhere.

Mark breathed in the smell of sex in the room, that musky odor of sweat and other body liquids. The skin on Jackson's collarbone was slick with sweat against Mark's mouth, the salty taste of it a delicious one. Jackson had moved his dirty hand from between their bodies to hold Mark's hip, smearing it with come, another arm wrapped around the older boy's back. Mark wanted to thread his fingers through Jackson's blond locks, but that would have required more effort than he was ready to make right now.

They laid there for a while in relative silence, steadying their breathing and enjoying their post-coital bliss. What could have been an infinity later but probably was only a few minutes Mark felt that he really needed to get up and grab a quick shower in order not to feel as gross as he did right now. He spent a moment wallowing in the tragedy that was that their dorm room did not have a bathroom attached like Jinyoung's did. This meant he would have to put something on to cover himself on the way to the common room shower in order to preserve face. In the worst case scenario the bathroom would be taken and he'd have to wait with come and lube dripping from his ass and ugh this was hell. They'd have to stock some baby vipes or something in their room to get rid of the worst mess in future scenarios. Some condoms wouldn't go to waste either on occasions when they knew that they couldn't use the bathroom right after.

Mark slowly entangled himself from Jackson and crawled over to where he had a box of napkins next to his pillow, wiping what he could of the half dried come on his abdomen and the lube and come that was around his sore and sated asshole. Jackson barely stirred, but he did let out a sound of protest when Mark moved away from him. Mark rested where he was lying half on the floor for a moment before he dared to try and put any weight on his spent and blissed legs. He did manage to get up using the wall for stability, but his legs were shaking and his bum was sore.

Despite all of his mental complaining about the dirty state of his body, he felt giddy. He felt disgusting and happy. Disgustingly happy. It was horrible because of how wonderful it was. Was this what a honeymoon phase in a crush felt like? Because he felt like he could run out there screaming to the world how much he loved Jackson, never minding his complete nakedness or social norms or anything.

But Mark had no problem controlling his crazy urges as he was sensible and modest enough to probably die of embarrassment if he ever let the other members see an outburst like that. What he did have some problems with was collecting the minimum amount of clothing and supplies he needed for a not-suspicious trip to the shower, which included a bathrobe, towel and a clean pair of boxers. He congratulated himself on managing a walk that did not look too much like a wobble the few meters from their dorm room to the bathroom, extra glad that it wasn't taken. As per their self set dorm rules he shouted for everyone to hear that he'd be using the shower for now before he closed himself into the bathroom.

Feeling much less disgusting and way more stable on his feet after the shower, Mark used up what was probably his good luck for the rest of the year by managing to sneak from the bathroom back to their room without social contact with any of the other members. He'd probably never get this lucky again, so he'd have to perfect his post-sex routine into one where they'd get away with it without rubbing the fact that they had had sex into the faces of the other members. They had good enough insulation in their dorm room to maybe get away with the sex if they weren't too loud, but this walk of shame to the shower and back was risky. Actor skills, poker face and fine motor control under pressure required.

It wasn't that Mark worried that the others wouldn't take their relationship well, it was just polite and proper to not be too obvious about when they were having sex.

...Jackson might actually have more trouble being discreet about it, he had a terrible poker face.

It was something to consider. Later. When he wasn't frozen at the door to their dorm room, thought process stuttering to a stop at the sight that laid inside. Jackson was laying on his back on a mattress, naked as the day he was born and sleeping like a baby. His skin shined slightly with drying sweat, translucent spray and smear patterns of now dried come covering his abdomen. There was no trace of stress or worry in the lines of his body. He looked happy in his sleep, limbs spread out in a manner that spoke of total sexual contentment. The sight was gorgeous, knowing that that man there, he was Mark's, and Mark was his. That was more than he would have ever thought to expect, but it was true.

Mark made sure the door closed behind him before he went to kneel next to where Jackson way laying. He had brought a wet hand towel with him from the bathroom to clean the younger boy up, and went on with his task of wiping the dried come off of his sleeping lover’s abdomen. When the younger boy stirred to Mark's noble attempts of cleaning him up, he didn't hesitate to drag the older boy to lay down on the narrow mattress next to him. Mark yelped in surprise and tried to protest, but when Jackson nuzzled his face into Mark's neck and mumbled something about five more minutes, Mark didn't have the heart to deny him.

It was wonderful, being this loved. It was worth the risk of being rejected, and they would make it worth the risk they were taking for their career. They would have to make sacrifices and compromises, and there would be times when they would have no time for their relationship, times when they would have it tough because they had to hide their love from the public. It was not going to be easy, but the best things never were.

Jackson mumbled something about chicken barbeque into the skin on Mark’s collarbone, smiling softly in his sleep.

Yeah, they would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End?
> 
> Wow it feels weird to end this. I hope I have wrapped the story up enough so that there aren't any big questions left anymore.
> 
> I hope you liked my smut, I had a hard time writing it. I wanted it to have a realistic feel, so it is kind of awkward :D
> 
> It feels good to be finished with this piece now. I was expecting this to be 4-6 chapters with 20,000 words as the very maximum length. 9 chapters and 37,000 words later, here we are.
> 
> I would like to thank everyone who has commented up till now, your feedback has been very important and motivating. I didn't even know it was possible for me to keep up an update schedule as tight as this, but the comments made it really feel like I had an expecting audience and I didn't want to let you guys down :)
> 
> Thank you silent guys and gals for the many many kudos and over 2,000 views up till now, I am very honored.
> 
> Most thanks to my darling sister who got me into GOT7, helped me with her knowledge of Korean culture and was always ready to listen me rant about this and that about my writing that I didn't like. You were a shitty beta but the best muse <3
> 
> If you have any feedback or love to send my way, please do!


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